Specter Family Blog

Round 2

2012-02-09T15:21:00.000-05:00

Did well enough to earn a second interview. Again, whatever happens from here, I feel good about the experience. Continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. New band program officially starts on Monday, so I'll be a bit more busy with work. Next week is shaping up to be my busiest in quite a while. First days of band Monday through Thursday, preschool music on Wednesday, and the usual Friday gig. Here goes nothing!

First one done

2012-02-07T10:36:00.000-05:00

Feel like my interview went well on Monday. You never know what a school or district may specifically be looking for, so I always just try to represent myself well. I feel like I did that, so whatever happens from here, I am at peace with.

In the meantime I am dusting off my band skills in the hopes of starting a new program at a local school next week. Got my hands on a few instruments for demo purposes and yes, it's all coming back to me.

Stay tuned for more info as it becomes available.

All aboard

2012-02-02T10:17:00.000-05:00

The job search train is departing once again, and I've got a ticket to ride.

It's early, just barely February, but my attempts to land a full-time teaching job have already led to results. I have a screening interview with a school district in Tucson, AZ on Monday - my first interview of the 2012 season. I'm a little rusty on my responses but I will spend some time over the weekend studying up on the standard interview questions so I can represent myself well.

This feels really good. Yes of course it's just a screener, but getting the word on this one provided a ray of hope I haven't felt in a long while. I hope it leads to something, but even if it doesn't, it means I'm still in the game. And being able to daydream about a concrete future for the first time in months feels really good too.

This of course also raises all the old stresses about moving, but things are different this year. There is an urgency to the situation - we have more freedom to leave, and less freedom to wait. And so, big choices may be on the horizon in the near future...and if and when things get that far, we ask for your prayers to help us discern the right direction to go.

All aboard...

Leaving 2011 in the Rearview Mirror

2012-01-02T12:39:00.000-05:00

2011 was not the best year our family has dealt with.

But we are not beaten.

From a professional standpoint, I lost everything. From a financial standpoint, I lost everything. From a security standpoint, we lost everything.

But we are not beaten.

I still have the best family in the world. I still have the most special, unique, wonderful, amazing kids in the world. I still have my faith. I still have my hope. I still have my love.

I have been forced to notice that the blog has been incredibly negative of late. It paints an inaccurately negative picture. For the last few months I have been so busy moving from one little task to the next, that I have had little time to sit down, compose thoughts, and type them here. Thus, the few times when I HAVE done so, have invariably been times when I was feeling at my worst. As I said to an old friend lately, even though I have more bad to say than good these days, the truth is I have more good days than bad. So anyone who is looking here for a true barometer of my attitude and mood is looking in the wrong place. Take it with a grain of salt, and assume that the long gaps between posts mean that all is going well.

The time of waiting is drawing to a close, and the time of action will soon be upon me again. I entered the job market for real in March last year, and there was plenty of action to be had at that time. Postings for real, permanent positions will start appearing soon, and I will track them down, anywhere we feel is a good fit. It will feel good to get back in the suit and pound the pavement, actually feeling like I am doing SOMEthing to resolve my future.

So, 2012 is supposed to be the big calamity, right? Sorry, that already happened to me a year early. For the Specter Family, 2012 is a year of new beginnings, new adventures, new possibilities. We are ready. Bring it.

You know you're in trouble when...

2011-12-12T21:13:00.000-05:00

...you're counting on Congress in a real and tangible way.

It is not a fun time to sit back and watch our national legislature bicker and squabble about how to pay for the payroll tax break. It is also not fun to sift through news articles to find snippets about the part that really matters to me, the unemployment extension.

So much has been going on, and yet nothing has happened. In Washington, and in my life as well. I have any number of directions I could take this blog post, any of which I could expound upon for hours and hours, and yet I still find it not worth my while to put forth the energy. Everything is a sound bite. Everything is a blanket statement. The problems in our country are complicated beyond comprehension, and yet the arguments get simpler and simpler and more infantile. We've created an economic monster and none of us can control it. Not blue, red, or green. We exist at its whim now, and I can promise you that it makes not a lick of difference who is in charge - it's bigger than anyone or anything on this earth. Seriously. Global economics is now so intertwined and cannibalistic, and yet so ingrained into the fabric of our society - it's the butterfly effect on meth. Something so powerful and so mysterious...and yet somehow we all think that it matters who's in the White House...and that somehow that person can effect a change. This is old thinking from a simpler time. We all badly need a system update but we're working with an old model that the new OS will crash. (I apologize for the wandering metaphors here.)
And maybe we'll all be better off when it all crashes. Maybe we'll all be able to get back some of what we sold to this dreadful machine. Maybe...we'll all be a lot more human.

On a personal level, I am able to live day-to-day in this stasis, in this waiting room, but there are times when the frustration and the desire to KNOW what my future holds becomes...becomes what? How can I explain it? It's not a rage, not a frustration. It's...an acute awareness. My whole life has a hole in it right now. It's a hole of context. I don't know what this year means to me. I don't know what it means to my life. I don't know if this is the first chapter of part 2, if it's an interlude, or if it's even my book any more. Day to day I am fine but something is missing. Luckily, running a family of 6 keeps me busy enough that I don't often have time to think about it, but then, there it is...that gaping hole. And when the awareness is on, I can't stop staring.

I don't think about the past any more. Well, that's not true. I don't think about it nearly as much. Every now and then it rears its ugly head. But every time it does, it bothers me less and it fades more quickly. I still can't think about the future because...there isn't one yet. So I'm left with the present. And...I guess this is the other thing that makes it difficult. I feel very alone in this present. It's so hard to have a present without knowing where it fits in that continuum. I'm just not Zen enough to go with this particular flow.

Keep us all in your thoughts and prayers. God bless.

Matt

Response to Dr. Saunders

2011-11-11T16:18:00.001-05:00

My response to your comment is too big to be posted as a comment so I have to include it as a separate post. For those reading this, please check out Dr. Saunders' comments on the "Get Off Joe's Back" post below.

___

Ah, Dr. Saunders. I thought you might chime in. Good to hear from you too. Your thoughts on the wider picture are well known and I of course agree with you. College football is the tail wagging the dog, writ large. I guess on that point the question is, why do I still partake in the circus? And I can't answer that other than to say that I enjoy the game itself and am still able to separate the game from the baggage it comes with. Maybe I'm wrong to do so. I also know that you object to the game itself (I do read your blog after all) and understand your concerns about the violence involved and the injuries sustained. Playing football is undoubtedly a risk, but then again, so is walking out your door in the morning. The easy answer is that players take that risk knowingly. I know you would counter that they are pressured into that life and don't always know the risks...but I believe that is changing. Maybe I'm naive but it seems that the NFL is doing what it can to limit the ugly side of football injuries - concussions and the like. Eric LeGrand's story is still the exception - every weekend, how many people across the country take part in college or pro football, and the percentage of them who suffer a debilitating injury is probably a percentage any factory would consider pretty good for its own safety record. Maybe I am wrong there, I don't have those numbers. And the answers to long-term effects are of course, still being discovered. But I have not seen anything yet that tells me the whole sport should be shut down for the safety of its participants.
And I am also the rare person who enjoys football in SPITE OF it's violence. I don't watch to see a big hit or anything like that. I personally enjoy other things about football. I like the idea that a group of people all with disparate and seemingly unrelated skills and tasks, must work together seamlessly as a unit to be successful - a good play is...dare I say it, a symphony of movement? Maybe overstating it but you get the point. I also love that that unit must do all it can, but sometimes, an outsider must be called in, because the work of that machine was not quite enough - I am talking of course about the kicker. And suddenly, the work of the group rests in the hands of a single person who doesn't fit in with the rest. Metaphor for life? I like the chess-game aspect of play calling and I like the artificially constructed, but very real force called momentum, whereby suddenly the powers of the diverse unit become greater or less due to this magical force. And lastly, I like the storylines, the narrative of a 'season' and the meanings that develop around certain games and certain years.
All this keeps me watching and caring, despite the very real problems below the surface. I don't worship at the monster the game created, because I don't see them as the same thing. Take away all the extra junk and I still like the game. I tolerate the rest. Maybe I shouldn't...and maybe some day it will get so bad that I won't be able to enjoy it any more.

But to your original point. Joe, Tressel, Sandusky, thinking the rules don't apply. Let's tackle those one at a time. My thoughts on Tressel are well-documented, and our friend's rebuttal above worth mentioning. As far as Sandusky, he thought the rules didn't apply, but I believe that was because the man has a sickness that makes him do these things. I don't think that football is what made him act on his impulses. Guy could have been a janitor and he still would have felt compelled to do these things. You could argue that the football establishment let it happen, and the investigation will determine that. Right now I am inclined to believe that Joe wasn't sure what to do, told his boss as required by law and then naively thought it either had been taken care of, or that Sandusky would stop, and it would be an isolated incident. I think his mind didn't work in the ways of sexual predators, and he didn't live in a world that told him, the guy will do it again. They always do it again. That's a lapse in judgement, and a big one. But from what I know of the man from watching him for all my life, I don't believe for a minute that he thought "I'm Joe, I can cover this up because I'm the face of Penn State." Every action the guy has taken before (and since this broke) has been consistently in keeping with not wanting everything to be 'about Joe', the university coming first, in life being more important than football.

I know it seems unfair because I keep saying "This is different" but the fact is, I firmly believe that Joe WAS different. And THAT's why this is such big news. Any other schmo who did something like this, I'd agree with you and say that it was trying to be above the law for the sake of the football program. But not Joe.

Now, that said, if the investigation reveals that Joe knew more and continued to let Sandusky be on campus and at team events after learning about additional incidents, then I will without hesitation post on this board renouncing all my defenses of him. But I don't expect that to happen. And now that I think of it, maybe that's why everyone is piling on Joe now, because they know that this is as bad as it's going to get, and the investigation isn't going to come up with any more seedy details that directly relate to him.

I certainly respect your opinion and always enjoy engaging in discussion with you. Framing my thoughts in a conversation with you always keeps me on my toes.

Matt

Get Off Joe's Back

2011-11-10T15:11:00.000-05:00

I usually don't post this kind of thing here. This is a personal blog about the happenings in my life and the life of my family. But sometimes big things happen that I feel the need to sound off about. This post won't make me many friends around here...but hey, as I often say, that ship has SAILED.

My parents are both proud Penn Staters. I grew up watching Penn State and root for them as 'my' team alongside any others that I actually have a first-hand connection to. For as long as I've been watching football, there has been one guy out there on the field coaching one of 'my' teams. He is an icon. He has, for all those years, stood out as a rare example of integrity in the increasingly corrupt and amoral world of major college sports. Scandal after scandal, violation after violation, at school after school, they all came and went, and still Joe remained. They have been talking about it being his last year for over a decade now, and still the old man forged on. One week ago, no one saw any reason to believe the status quo would change. But that was before.

What has happened at Penn State is tragic. And before anyone jumps down my throat, let me clarify exactly what I mean. The allegations against Sandusky are tragic. What was allowed to go on is tragic. The way Joe's unsurpassed career ended is tragic.

Make no mistake. What is popularly being called his 'sin of omission' was indeed wrong. I make no excuses for what he did...or what he did not do. And while there is also the aspect of letting an investigation run its course, there seems to be little of the typical backlash of denial from anyone involved, so I am taking things at face value for the purposes of this rant. I am assuming that everything happened as reports have indicated.

Joe was wrong. Joe should have done more. I do not deny this.

Should Joe have been fired? Tough question. Probably. In fairness to the people who had to make that decision, they were put in a no-win situation. If they 'let the investigation run its course' they are as guilty as every other program of using that as an excuse to let their football program bend the rules in order to keep winning. Joe wouldn't have wanted that. And on the ohter hand, we all saw the reaction on campus to what they decided to do. So whoever had to make this decision had the choice to be vilified by the nation, or by their own community. I will say that firing Joe over the phone was cowardly and small. But that's not the point of this rant. I accept that the decision made to let Joe go was one that had to be made, even if it could have been handled in a more respectful way.

So why am I so upset?

I am upset because it seems that everyone in the nation is now heaping scorn on Joe in a hypocrital holier-than-thou righteous indignation festival which is nothing short of shameful.

It has become very popular all of a sudden to say that Joe's reputation and career don't excuse his actions. I agree. But I don't think that Joe ever thought that. And anyone who really follows the goings-on at Penn State realizes that Joe wasn't trying to be above the law.

The man made a mistake. It was a big one. A tragic one. One that cost him the chance to end his career with dignity, and one that allowed terrible things to continue taking place when they could have been stopped. But to those who are dancing around pointing out that a lifetime of integrity can't absolve you of such a big mistake, I reply: It is also true that a single mistake does not wipe out a lifetime of integrity.

Get off Joe's back.

Truth be told, most of the people who are delighting in vilifying Joe right now have probably been living in shame of their own programs' sullied histories. Make no mistake. Joe's mistake was bigger than anything Tressel did. But Joe is still 50 times the man of integrity that Tressel ever will be. Tressel went around pawning himself off as some kind of saint. Joe on the other hand, hated talking about himself. When press conferences turned to him setting another new coaching record, he consistently attempted to turn the attention back towards the players, the game, the university. He didn't manufacture his reputation. He earned it. So at the end of the day, Tressel was a sleazebag who got caught. Joe was a great man...who made a greater mistake. Given the choice of who I would want teaching life lessons to my own son, I would choose Joe every time. Because no matter how many games Tressel wins, he will always be a sleazebag. And no matter how much venom people spew on Joe...he will still be Joe.

And forgive me for using Tressel as an example. I live in Ohio, so I'm surrounded by it. And even more, I live in Cincinnati, where people still think Pete Rose should be canonized as a saint. But you could take Tressel out of the above paragraph, fill in the blanks with any other big name from a sports scandal...or any other public figure with or without a scandal attached to their name. I still look up to Joe. I never cared much for the idea of 'heroes'...but Joe was, and still is, the closest thing there is for me.

So.

Did Joe's stellar and noble career earn him the right to finish the season? Should he still have been allowed to leave on his own terms? Did he deserve to coach one last game at home? No. If the allegations are true, then a lot of people have gone through a lot of unspeakable hurt and suffering because of his mistake. As I said at the beginning of this rant, I don't excuse that. It was a mistake much bigger than football.

But in my humble (and currently unpopular) opinion, his illustrious career
did earn him something. And that is the right to be left alone and to walk away in dignity. And I am disgusted that people can not see past the anger of the moment to view the picture in its larger context. It's easy to hear about something as tragic as victimized children and immediately cry foul of everything and everyone within a 5-mile radius. It's a lot harder to see the humanity, even in a mistake.

So to anyone out there enjoying the Joe-bashing fest, just be aware, you look ridiculous. It would be like me listening to the New York Philharmonic in concert, and when the principal trumpet missed a note, shouting out "See, he's not that good!" It would be like me, seeing that George Clooney had grown an unfortunate zit on his nose, jumping up and down shouting "He's ugly now! He's ugly now!"

Joe's mistake was terrible, and the consequences grave - not just for him but for the people who suffered as a result. His mistake saddens me. But it did not change who he was. And no matter how much scorn you attempt to heap on him, he is still Joe, and a better man than most of us will ever hope to be.

Peter Buck once said in an interview that he tries not to judge people by the stupidest thing they've ever done. How many of us would want to be judged in that way? How many of us want to be defined by our greatest mistake? So to all you people bashing Joe right now, try to keep that in mind. In the meantime, I will try to keep it in my mind while I watch you embarass yourselves. You're welcome.

Get off Joe's back.

Breathing is good

2011-11-02T21:52:00.000-04:00

Hey all. Been absent for a while. Nothing in particular, just really busy with a lot of little things.

It is now November. It is almost time for Thanksgiving, a holiday which has always been perhaps my favorite. It's a good vibe. And being thankful is something I try to keep foremost in my mind. Admittedly, it's been tough this past few months, but I do still thank God regularly for the blessings I have been given. My children are challenging at times but I wouldn't trade them for anyone else's or anything else in the world. They're mine and I'm keeping them. My financial life is...complicated at best. But first of all, I also know a lot of people are even worse off than us...and secondly, who gives a damn? I am not my finances. My career is frozen, and it still remains to be seen if I can push the pause button to restart it or if the disc has been scratched beyond all use...but as I wait it out, I am having the unique opportunity to spend more time with the kids.

I think less and less about what happened, and spend more time thinking about the future. As a very good friend recently quipped, "I know that when God closes one doorway, he opens another...but man, these hallways are a bitch." Yes, I am tired of stasis, limbo, the hallway, the waiting room...whatever you want to call it. But I am learning to disconnect from the expectations and the useless obsessing and just float free...and that is, in the long run, making me a better person.

I once again can count on my fingers those people in the world I would consider my true friends, but I consider myself rich to have those few. They are one of a kind and if there were more like them, the world wouldn't be in such bad shape.

And speaking of the world, or at least, our part of it. I once again have had to ration my own news consumption, because everything I see leaves me feeling depressed, enraged, or both. I weep for our broken country, and can no longer find it in myself to hope that somehow, a new way of thinking can sweep the old system away. No, this ship will go down with both sides shouting blame at the other, while the materials and tools needed to fix the leak lie unused between them. And both will feel justified in doing so.

I mean seriously...these people on both sides are so rooted in their own way of thinking that when they die and God tries to explain the truth to them, I really don't think they'll even be able to stop defending themselves then. I really think they'll lobby the Almighty and deny any possible compromise in their view to the point where they'll choose not to enter paradise because they think that God Himself is wrong.

Anyway, enough of that. Suffice it to say I have to distance myself from it all to stay sane. In some ways, I hope that I do end up getting a job way out in the middle of nowhere...so that if and when it all collapses, I won't notice it as much.

But, day by day, I just go about trying to keep my own house in order. Some days are good days. Some, not so much. But I'm still living. I'm still fighting. Even if there aren't many people around to notice any more.

Thanksgiving. Yes. I am still alive. I still believe. I still have had a miraculous life already. I still love. I still laugh. Thanks indeed. Everything else...is nothing.

Steph's Mambo Memories

2011-10-06T06:10:00.000-04:00

Matt always tells me I should post on the blog. If you're a regular reader you are aware of Matt's awesome gift of words. I'm not saying I'm a BAD writer but seriously. It's important to know when to step aside and let the master do his work.

That being said, I really do feel the need to just put down a few of my own memories and thoughts about our Mambo. PLEASE make sure you scroll down, though, and read Matt's post below this one.

As is the case with just about every person and dog that we are close to, we had an extensive list of nicknames for Mambo. (By the way, when we got Mambo, back in March of 2001 when we had been married for 9 mos. and Salsa was only as old, Matt lobbied to call him "Gumbo" to keep the naming dogs after food theme alive. I was so worried people would call him "Dumbo" that I refused. If you read Matt's post below, you'll see that that was maybe a bit prophetic.) Anyway, at various times you might have heard us calling him: Mambo Jambo, Jambo, Havvy (his breed was Havanese), Harry the Hav or Harry T. Hav, Harrison Fur (that was Matt's creation and pretty clever), Mambito, Bito Frito and probably about 10 more that I can't think of right now.

He was such a sweet boy. Really. As Matt says, not the brightest, but so sweet. He loved belly scratches and rubs and loved to be scratched under the chin and on his neck. Also, on his back under where his beautiful tail curled under.

When I was pregnant with Mari and so so miserable those last 2 months, I couldn't lay down in bed any more so I had to sleep on the recliner in the couch in the family room. Mambo always came down with me and kept me company. When our various kids were babies and I would be up in the middle of the night nursing them, he would often join me. Again, never too close, not really cuddling, but always there with me.

When I was working around the house, he would usually follow me from room to room. Salsa always wants to be right with me, touching me. Not so with Mambo. He was not cuddly. If I got him and put him on my lap to pet or scratch him, he'd sit patiently but then run away as soon as I stopped. Again, though, Mambo would always want to be in the same room.

On nights when I would would come home late for various reasons, he would be waiting on the living room couch for me. I loved that. Although he was not overly affectionate he would usually greet us with much tail wagging and sometimes, when he was really excited, one or two little soft licks (unlike Salsa), usually on my ankle.

His fur was the softest fur ever. Really. He had the best fur. One of the reasons I always delayed getting him groomed was because I just loved his long, soft fur.

But, as Matt indicates below, the past few months for sure, and honestly, the past year and a half before that, his body was giving out. Poor guy. He seemed pretty miserable in the end. But I truly feel that he had a good life with us. He came to us at 5 months old and we had the privilege of being able to take both dogs on lots and lots of trips with us. Mambo probably would've preferred to have not left home, but I know he liked being with us.

Oh and contrary to what Matt posted below, I DO remember Mambo playing with a few toys a few times. When he was MUCH younger, we had a little plastic soccer ball dog toy and he did bat it around occasionally. And I remember him trying to play with Salsa once or twice, but neither one of them had great social skills with other dogs so that never really worked out well.

Anyway, I loved him dearly and he is already very, very missed. But he is in a better place now. Matt and I were saying Mambo's Heaven is one where there are no faces and lots and lots of cheese, especially string cheese.

Steph

Mambo Specter, 2000-2011

2011-10-05T20:55:00.001-04:00

Today was a sad day for our family. For the first time ever today, our family became smaller. Mambo, our much-loved Havanese, made his way across the Rainbow Bridge and left his frail body. There, I am sure that he is meeting Tiery 1, Tiery 2, Kelpie, Lazer, Bingo, Maggie, Molly, and countless other family pets who have gone on before. He will be missed. Our oldest children cried uncontrollably today, and even Robby seemed to have a glimmer of understanding as he petted Mambo for the last time. This is our children's first real encounter with death.

As well as such a tragic event can go, this went well. Mambo could no longer walk, he was clearly unhappy, and the vet's diagnosis of a progressive neurological problem which would not improve made the decision easy. The family had a chance to say goodbye, and Mambo made his final journey peacefully. We will miss him. I write the following in Mambo's memory - let it not be said that I romanticize his life.

Mambo was dumb. He was perhaps the dumbest dog I have ever seen. Even at age 10, before his body gave out, he still got to the top of the steps and genuinely could not remember how they worked. Every. Damn. Day. He knew his name but could not after all these years remember what it meant when we called it. He was the only dog in his obedience class who could not do anything resembling a trick, and when all he had to do was walk across the room when we called his name in order to pass the class, he trotted halfway, then laid down, bored. He once ran into the street to bark at a car, and ran under the moving car. It was a miracle that the tires missed him. He was truly, pathetically stupid.

But he was our dog, and we loved him.

Mambo was gross. He loved more than anything else to eat his own poop. He relished it, especially fresh and steaming on the snow. He particularly enjoyed that it often got stuck in the fur around his butt. When not snacking, he enjoyed laying on piles of dirty clothes, and especially loved rubbing his face in dirty underwear. I am not making this stuff up. I regularly caught him peeing on our living room carpet, looking at me indignantly as if to say, "What?" He was nasty, and it was appropriate that at the end, he required surgery to have his nasty, inflamed, infected anal sacs removed. I joked soon after that he would not last long after since his very essence was linked to these glands of nastiness. I turned out to be exactly right. He was gross, nasty, disgusting.

But he was our dog, and we loved him.

Mambo was boring. He never played with toys. He never played with people. He didn't like being near a person's face. He grunted and struggled if we ever had to pick him up. In all actuality, our lives will not change much now that he's gone. Even in the best of health, he only ever sat in the corner, stinking. He never played with other dogs. I truly think that if we hadn't said anything, the kids might have gone a week before they noticed he was gone. He was very much a walking pile of hair.

But he was our dog, and we loved him.

Mambo was poorly assembled. He had a nasty overbite. He had one blue eye. He came to us already having had a hernia surgery. His paws were so big and hairy he'd slip on anything not carpet. It seemed like there was always something wrong with him.

But he was our dog, and we loved him.

Goodbye, Mambo. Much like life, you were not what we expected. You taught us that plans change, and things don't work out the way we originally hope. And you also taught us that we can only learn to love those changes, and love the life you are given. Other dogs may have been more glamorous, smarter, nicer, friendlier, and less gross...but we would choose you again every time.

Because you were our dog, and we love you still.

Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Faith, Mari, Robby, Hannah, and Salsa

Thoughts on subbing

2011-09-26T20:51:00.000-04:00

I have now subbed twice on the blind call. Not knowing anything other than a general title, as in 'the choir director' or 'the band director'. Here are my initial impressions.

First of all, for someone like me who likes things planned, organized, and well-thought out, this experience is absolute torture. I can NOT handle not knowing my schedule until it starts. It makes the entire day seem about 5 times longer than it really is. I think I am aging quite a bit doing this.

Secondly, it is shocking to me how little anyone in the actual school even knows about the music staff's schedule. I was in three buildings today, and really no one had any idea of what I was supposed to do -- all anyone could do was to open the room for me and then it was my problem. The one building where they actually seemed confident about my duties, the people turned out to be completely wrong - I had a completely different assignment than what I was told.

Thirdly, the music teachers themselves don't leave much for me to go on. I am finding myself in the role of private detective, searching through drawers and cabinets and shelves for any hint as to my job that day. Class roster, schedule, heaven forbid an actual PLAN...nothing. Now listen. I'm not exactly the king of helpful lesson plans - in my previous position, there were days when it came down to me emailing colleagues and asking them to run plans down to the room, not leaving the sub much time. BUT, those were rare instances. I can also remember awakening with what was clearly strep and a high fever, calling in sick, realizing I had no plans and no way to get them there, and driving my sick self into work early to leave plans and materials for the sub and then driving home and collapsing. I don't care if it's just instructions to show a movie, it would be nice to know what movie and where the movies are. So, on the one hand, it's a little frustrating, but on the other hand, I know it's just the way it is.

But the main thing is this.

Subbing pretty much sucks so far.

I don't know how else to put it. Now, having only done my 5-day long term position, and a couple of single days (all of them for music positions) it is perhaps not the best indicator. I still am waiting for (and terrified of) that first regular classroom call. That might change things somewhat. I have a feeling that me in a 2nd grade classroom actually working from plans and trying to accomplish something might seem a bit more rewarding than what I've done so far. Because what I've done so far is 90% babysitting. Yes, I've done some work with some beginning band kids, and they accomplished more than they would have without me. But I hardly noticed since I spent so much of my energy trying to figure out just who was showing up when. The rest of my day...they could have had any old schmo off the street and done the same as me. It's not rewarding.

I mean, Steph asked me how it went, and I said "uneventful". And we both agreed that this was all I could ask for.

That's not a good way for me to live. A good day means nothing happened? What kind of life is this?

All I can say is that it's a REAL good thing I have my one-day-a-week actual teaching job - it's keeping me fresh and reminding me that teaching IS rewarding and enjoyable and fun...when you have your own students. And even though some of those kids are really challenging and difficult...and even though the situation has lots of issues...I am starting more and more to look forward to my one day a week being a real teacher. Because there, I AM making a difference.

I hope and pray that I can continue to have my 'own' students.

Matt

A hard one to write about

2011-09-18T21:12:00.000-04:00

Yeah, this is kind of a hard post. I have things to say but don't want to seem whiny or dramatic. I've sat down several times to try to get it typed out and it always comes out wrong.

First of all, life is fine. Still no 'regular' classroom sub calls. Part of me wants to get it over with and start having that experience, part of me is frankly scared out of my mind at the prospect. But it's sort of not up to me any more.

Secondly, Steph has started her new job. So far so good, but the schedule has not calmed down enough for her to get prepared ahead yet. So I miss her, she's constantly busy preparing for the next day's class. This will improve with time. For now, it's tough. But she's doing a great job at it so far.

But what's been hard to type up is...well...

I dunno. Life teaches you who your friends are. I remember finishing up my last year at my last job and daydreaming about landing that new job, moving out, communicating with all my colleagues about the new place, posting pictures, coming back to visit, etc. etc.

But now...

Well, now it seems that when and if I move, it will be as if I was never there. I will communicate with my family, with church friends, and the small handful of other people in the world who still consider my existence something to take note of. But I've dropped off the planet to a lot of people.

See what I mean? That sounds whiny and self-important. It's totally not that at all, that's not how I feel, and I can't find the right words to express what I'm feeling. I certainly didn't expect a continued outpouring of sympathy. The silence from the people in that part of my history is totally expected and not something I feel anger or bitterness about. LIFE. GOES. ON.

I guess at the core of it is the odd and bizarre feeling that I have a 7-year hole in my life now, and insufficient critical mass in my new life to replace it. I feel very unbalanced between past present and future. Too many things about my past I have had to shut off or shut out because they're still too painful to think about. My future is nothing but a mammoth question mark made up of millions of smaller question marks. All that I'm left with is an eternal present, and while routine carries me day to day, I'm stumbling a bit in the meaning department. I don't know yet where all this is going to fit in with my story.

My days now are spent taking care of the kids, lesson planning for my once-a-week job, attempting in vain to keep the house somewhat clean, listlessly perusing job postings on national websites, researching real estate in those locations, browsing internet forums on those locations to learn more, and studying google earth to learn the lay of the land for anyplace that sounds like a good place to move. This is the life of someone who is ready to move on to the future but is physically stuck in the present.

Thus, with the future denied me and the present providing no anchor point, I suppose I've been hoping in vain that some voices from the past would show up to help fill the void. No such luck.

So yeah, I think that's it. And maybe that's why it hurts right now, even though I expect and understand it. Living in the present is just plain lonely.

That's the best I can do to express my emotions right now. It's a difficult angle to get the words around, and I know I haven't done it justice. I hope I don't come across as full of self-pity.

Matt

Finishing up

2011-09-08T12:18:00.002-04:00

I am currently finishing my last day of my first sub assignment. It was an absolutely terrifying and unexpected beginning, but in my eyes it has ended well. All in all, I could not have expected it to go any better. It reassures me that the choice I made to sub for a year was the right thing to do. It has felt good to be back. Admittedly, I still have to face the challenge of subbing in a regular classroom. But for now, I feel comfortable knowing I can walk into an unknown music situation and make something meaningful happen in a short amount of time with zero notice. Bring it.

I wanted to say a few words to the students who I have had the pleasure of teaching for the past week. You are a great bunch of human beings, and I am thankful for the opportunity to have worked with you. In fact, I can not think of a better group to have started me off on my unexpected subbing journey. Thank you for being patient with me and helping me through the first bizarre and surreal day, and thank you then for being easy going with all the differences between me and your regular teacher. You all remind me very much of my first group of band kids from way back in 1998. Never lose your love for music, and please take care of the friendships you have made. You are a close group, as band should be. You are a family. A weird family to be sure...but weird has never been a bad thing in my book. Continue to take care of each other. Good luck the rest of the year, and the rest of your lives. I think you'll all go far.

To their director: You have a truly special group of students. Appreciate that and appreciate them. They may annoy you and make you pull your hair out at times, but as a music educator you are lucky to have them, and as a human being you are blessed to be surrounded by people so full of life. Trust me, speaking from painful personal experience: It hurts like nothing else to have the kids you have worked with ripped away from you and to be missing that in your life. I pray that it never happens to you. Be thankful. Never forget it. Oh, and all you guys, please make sure that your football team wins its game on October 21st.

So long all, it's been real, have a great life!

Mr. Specter

I have now subbed. I am now old.

2011-09-03T08:08:00.000-04:00

During the past month or so I have called or emailed a lot of districts locally and done a lot of legwork to get on sub lists for the current year. One of those contacts led to a possible short-term sub position for a band director in a district about a half-hour east of Cincinnati. It's a district I'm familiar with, with a good reputation, so I was eager for the opportunity.

His wife was due in late September. We got everything worked out for me to come observe on Thursday, so I could learn his schedule and figure out what the kids were used to. Well, Wednesday afternoon the district contacted me and said his wife went into labor...and could I sub tomorrow?

What followed were the two craziest, scariest, most intense days of my life. I have a lot to say about all this, but I haven't had a great deal of time to process it yet. So in condensed form:

* I can throw a general music lesson together on the fly. I had about 20 minutes to prepare with very little to go on. (I don't blame the guy, his wife just had a kid - I know I wasn't thinking about work when the kids were born.) The general music part of my day went really really well. And it was reassuring to see that my skills can be transferred to 7th grade with very little modification.

* I am rusty as a band director. Did okay with the Middle School group, but being back in a High School setting was weird to say the least. It doesn't help that most of the kids tower over me. The group I am working with is the typical group of band kids - which is to say there is nothing typical about them. Honestly, a lovable bunch of the most diverse mix of personalities you're ever likely to encounter. I'm being careful with what I say because these kids may end up actually reading this thing, so I will put it this way. They are totally a mash-up of every imaginable kind of weird you could think of...and that is positively wonderful. I love it. They totally own their weirdness and wear it on their sleeve in a way that I wish I could have when I was their age. I admire that.

* The trouble is - they are clearly a tightly knit group. They're very close, possibly the result of a 'circle the wagons' mentality that is often necessary to get through high school as a band member. Which makes me very much an outsider to them and with only a week to spend with them it's an odd position to be in. I am in charge of them, but I am not their leader, and I am not one of them. I know nothing about their histories and the stories behind their personalities, or the inside jokes, so I am missing out on the best part of them. It's weird. It is a little lonely. I think it's a lot tougher then single-day subbing will be (especially at elementary level) where I will be a novelty act. Being there for a second day the novelty was already gone. The next few days will be interesting.

* But, I am now clearly old. I can not handle the 17-hour days of a band director. I feel this morning like I've been hit by a bus. I can't handle standing out in the hot sun for hours on end. I'm a wimp, I guess. But this morning I felt old. Really old. Capital O Old.

More to say as this continues. But I have not seen my own kids since Thursday and I miss them. I want to go spend time with them.

Matt

A great comment and discussion starter.

2011-08-27T07:28:00.000-04:00

Receieved a great comment in the middle of the night last night from a friend (pretty sure I know who). The comment was so good I wanted to include it as a post so everyone could see it easily...and so I can respond. See below:

"I used to think of my life as expositions and episodes, to borrow from fugal analysis. Expositions were the theme of my life, or what I thought of as the theme of my life, and I looked for them to be strong and loud and clear. Of course these were followed my episodes where I had no idea what was going on, but I tried to enjoy the pretty things around me as I moved to my next exposition. Lately I've been feeling like this gives too much artificial structure to the swirling chaos around me. That, when you get down to it, everything is episode and nothing is really exposition. That life is one big fantasia instead of fugue. Or for you non-music folks, life is all one big transition. Nothing is repeated, we just follow the flow and try to enjoy it as things go by. Since I've started thinking about life this way, I feel more at ease. Both with the world around me and the person I am. I'm no longer trying to make pieces of life fit into preconceived slots in my world view, and I see that the only thing I can really work on is myself. Life becomes simpler. I'm no longer trying to control things, I'm just trying to be me."

My response:

Don't let me give the impression that I am desperately looking to enforce order on my life. That's not it. As an example, one of the biggest annoyances I had during the last few months of chaos was people trying to chalk it all up to "God's plan" with a sweep of the broom and thus explain it all away, or somehow imply that the order in it was just too big to see. Both of these concepts I can agree with at times, but for various reasons, I was, and am still, not convinced that this was the case...this time. Sometimes, things happen. I don't want this to be a God post, but the short version is, we are free to make our own mess...and our society is free to make its own mess, and if we live in that society and enjoy its benefits, we are also subject to its whims and repercussions. Which means, as happened to me, you can get caught up in a swirl of events which in the end have nothing to do with you personally. Stuff happens. And there may be no 'reason' for it on the individual level. Having the desperate need to attach God to the situation indicates to me a fear of this reality of interconnectedness. I for one have no problem with it.

But back to the point - my previous post, showing the recurring moments in my life coming full circle, and the comment generated by who I think is an old friend in a different time zone. I think life has the potential to be any kind of composition. It might be for some, a beautifully structured fugue, or a Gabrieli antiphonal masterwork. For others it might be pure minimalism, perhaps grating on the ears but easily understood and therefore comforting. For some, it might be intentionally discordant and inexplicable to many, but with a rigid underlying structure...Schoenberg perhaps? And to others, it may be avant-garde. Or your example, all fantasia - just the whims of the music.

Who is in charge? The music or the composer? And are we the composer, or are we just fed the music and allowed to analyze it as a way to understand our lives better? I think it's a little of each. I think we're given raw materials, and our life composition is a combination of music with a will and force of its own, and our reactions and responses to it. And we even have a degree of freedom to alter and add to that material if we so choose. And I believe that for no specific reason, some of us get raw materials that are easily malleable and let us have great control, and others of us get a theme that pretty much dictates what else will happen. So it's not fair to say that someone with chaos in their life didn't control that music better...maybe that fantasia could have been given some more structure...but would it then be less beautiful and less what it was meant to be? A fantasia and a fugue are not the same, but both are beautiful and serve a purpose.

So, as for me...I certainly don't think my life is a fugue. And I do not go through my life trying to force pieces in place that are not there. But as I continue to work on the composition of my life, it's impossible to ignore the recurring themes. My raw material was constructed that way, and in major recapitulation points, themes return. I find it comforting to see those themes re-emerge from time to time, like an anchor point in a sometimes overlong Mahler symphony. It helps me know where I am.

And maybe I could spend a lot more time and energy trying to force my symphony into sonata form, but I have no interest in that. I'm not a detail person at that level. I'm a big picture guy. And I like to look at the overall shape, the ebb and flow, the story arc. The stuff I can see without my glasses on. Details are often ugly.

So to respond to your comment, old friend...I think we're both right in some sense. And your music may sound strange to some, but I think that you have made a conscious choice to let your music happen, combined with a theme that was destined to write itself...and I respect that. Who knows what will happen next? To any of us? Great discussion.

As the song goes, "This is me...that's who I'm trying to be". Amen.

Full circle yet again

2011-08-25T21:17:00.001-04:00

August 1998. I sat alone in a small lodge at Woodland Altars in Adams County, OH. Tomorrow I would start bandcamp at Peebles High School, my first teaching job ever.

It was dark, lonely, and I was scared to the point of depression. What had I gotten myself into? Could I do this? What on earth was I thinking?

I ended up staying at Peebles for 4 years. They were 4 good years for me. And I like to think that, although I was definitely not a great band director by most measures, I was a very good director for that school, for those kids, in that time and place. I did okay.

The next 2 years were a transition. One year awkwardly teaching at my former high school, in a bad situation. I fully admit that I was part of the bad situation, but...it was not a good year. The following year, spent completely out of the music and teaching business, working as the church office manager while preparing for the birth of our first child. A major depressive episode followed - a true existential crisis of faith which left me shaken and battered, but stronger once I pulled through it.

And then, finally, the relief once I had given up all hope - the back door into teaching with an offer once the school year had already begun.

October 31, 2004. Halloween night...two houses ago. A 6-month old Faith on our lap as we sat in our driveway handing out candy to neighborhood kids - some of whom I had maybe taught 2 years ago. The next day I would start teaching general music, something I had never thought I would do. Again - what on earth have I gotten myself into? Can I do this?

I stayed for 7 years. Would have stayed longer...but events pushed me out. Again, I would argue that, while not the best general music teacher out there, I was great for that time, that place, those kids. And while the departure was heartbreaking, and sadly bitter, looking back I can see that I am blessed to have been removed from that situation.

A summer of hope and possibility. The ultimate irony of being offered jobs but being unable to take them. The hope turning to a grim reality of looking for a job here in Cincinnati where the pickings are slim, and someone with 12 years and a Master's is probably too expensive for anyone.

Somewhere in all that mess, one lonely interview among dozens. No response, lost in the shuffle, forgotten. One lonely interview actually leads to an offer I can take. Not enough money, not enough time...but still...it's enough. It's a job doing what I love. There are kids at the school who need a music teacher, and a principal who believes in what I can bring to that school. For now at least, our paths cross.

A new chapter begins.

It promises to be an interesting chapter for me. New characters, new locations, hopefully some new friends. A lot of unknowns. Will this be another 'transition' phase in my life? Will this be the final chapter in my teaching book...and if so, will it be one page or twenty?

I don't know.

But none of that matters right now. What matters is, tomorrow, for the first time in what seems like a lifetime...I am going to work. And it feels very good to say that.

Am I nervous? Heck yes. Am I scared? You betcha. Are there things about this position that I perhaps may be in over my head about? Oh baby, yes.

But...been there, done that. I always have come through.

Tonight I leave you with an excerpt from The Refreshments' "I Don't Wanna Know".

Wish me luck tomorrow. Here we go again.

__________________

"We've been saying we're gonna go somewhere
For a long long time
Nothing ever happens
Why's it never happen

Yeah we've been prayin' we're gonna get somewhere
For a long long time
But it never happens
Why's it never happen

I wonder where I'll be in a year
Probably be sittin' right here
But if you know the answer
Don't tell me anyone
I don't wanna know

Cause I don't wanna know"

COBRA and Kindergarten

2011-08-23T06:54:00.000-04:00

COBRA is a joke. Seriously. Let's see, I can maintain my current insurance for...over $1000 a month. Getting that outsourced piece of info from my former employer was truly the final insult. But as Michael Stipe sings at the end of the song "Falls to Climb":

"Who cast the final stone?
Who dealt the crushing blow?
Someone has to take the fall,
Why not me? Why not me?

Had consequence chose differently,
Had fate its ugly head,
My actions make me beautiful,
And dignify the flesh,
Me...I am free...I AM FREE."

Truly I am free. Hallelujah!

But, little time these days to think of such things. Faith starts 2nd grade tomorrow. My life situation has taken me away from this part of my life. I have not been there for her and she is clearly nervous. Like her father, she finds the academics easy as pie, but her attempts at being social tend to end up more 'pie-in-the-face'. God bless her, my heart goes out to her. She's a wonderful kid (with some annoying habits) who in some ways has already done better socially than me...but at the same time, I think the social world is tougher now than it was when I was a kid. I hope and pray that she continues to have a group of friends that makes her happy, and that she doesn't overdo her affections and is willing to share her friends.

And Mari starts Kindergarten on Thursday. She says she's not nervous, but I think she is more than she lets on. Mari in a lot of ways has stalled out socially. She still has a lot of trouble controlling her emotions and reactions...wonder where she got THAT from? She's a stinking roller-coaster though...she'll also be the kindest, best friend to someone who needs it.

There is little doubt that the life situation we've been under has affected our family adversely. How could it not? Every spare moment has been spent setting things up for now. We have not been there for our kids and have had our summer robbed from us. There have been no 'good thoughts' for any of us. We know that a lot of people have had it worse, and we thank God for what we have. But it's taking an emotional toll. School coming and the return of some sort of routine will be a light in the darkness I hope...and we will all slowly pull ourselves out of this morass and gather strength for another summer of strife.

Let's do this, people.

Matt

Inching Closer and Might-have-Beens

2011-08-19T20:50:00.006-04:00

One week from tonight I will feel a lot better about half of my life. I will have put in my first day at my new part part part time job. For anyone reading this from my current place of employment, I want you to know that I may make comments about how small a job it is in terms of time and pay, but that I fully respect the importance of the position and have every intention of taking it every bit as seriously, perhaps even more so, than my last position. As long as there are kids there who need a music teacher, I have a job to do. And I am grateful to have that job, however small it may appear to outsiders. It will be as big to me as it is to you, and as big to me as it is to them.

At the same time, I confess that I have started wasting time looking at the real estate websites in various places I interviewed across the country. It still stings a little to think that for a period of 3 months or so I had the world thrown open to me and could have been in a completely new place right now...and yet here I sit. Same old same old.

I feel quite alone these days. I have no real peer group anymore. There were a few good friends at my last position who stepped me through the dark times and I owe them more than I can ever repay. But most have drifted back to their lives and so it should be. Maybe one or two of them will stand a chance to keep a friendship beyond that, but I expect it will all fade away in time. Ships passing in the night and all that.

So I soldier on with my family and a few scattered friends, as it has always been and probably always will be with me. I like to think that given the chance to start over in a new place, I might somehow do a better job of laying down roots and developing these friendships I am missing...but probably not. I've never had the knack for it. And I fully admit that I have to a certain extent created this situation for myself. I am by nature a selfish person. Every amount of giving that I do has been something I've had to learn to do. Like others might marvel at innate musical abilities, I marvel at innate selflessness, because I sadly do not possess it. So, like an earnest but hopelessly untalented musician, toiling away in the bottom of the section in the school band, I slave away at being a good person hoping to get a few things right and not screw up the whole piece. Doing my best, people. I at least know when to stop playing if the music is too tough.

I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anyone else's. But at times it can be hard.

And by the way, it should be noted that Steph and I are developing and hoping to deepen a friendship with another family - you know who you are. We hope there can be more time spent together, and more often. I think we are both better people for being around you guys. So, don't feel like I'm overlooking you with what was said above. I consider what's going on with you guys a bright spot in the murkiness of my social life.

So anyway. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I have a feeling I'll have more to write about this week.

Matt

An end of sorts in sight

2011-08-14T15:37:00.003-04:00

For almost 5 months now I have been living in transition. I have had an unknown future with a complete lack of routine and absolutely no feeling of stability. I have been awash in a whirlwind of confusion and a storm of uncertainty.

It has, in the last weeks, really started to get to me. I'm going more than a little crazy at all the unknowns.

Long term, nothing has happened. My position one year from now is still a mystery to me. Two years, even more so.

But pretty soon, I will be re-entering a place of at least day-to-day consistency. School is starting up for districts around here, and after a while I'm hopeful that I'll start to get some sub calls. That first day will be a terrifying ordeal. The next one, not quite so much. And after nine or ten, I really think I'll either be getting the hang of it or be ready to run screaming. Either way, it won't be an unknown any more.

In addition, my part-time post at a small Catholic school in northern Kentucky will be starting soon. Again, the first day will be a terror for me, but soon after, it will become a known quantity. Some days subbing, some days teaching music...some days, doing nothing at all. But I will have a life of sorts again.

I am going to be a nervous wreck for the next couple weeks, or the next month maybe, until all of this settles into 'normal'. But then it will definitely be time to celebrate. And I will need it by then.

Of course, the other big stuff I keep alluding to is likely going to have something to say about all that...but...one thing at a time. One thing at a time.

Into the breach we go.

Matt

Let's Go Already

2011-08-07T21:15:00.004-04:00

Clock is ticking on the beginning of a new adventure. The next couple of weeks are going to be frantic. Steph is working every day, she has to find time to get her preschool classroom ready, I have to keep contacting districts to let them know I exist, of course the kids are still here.

The daily craziness aside, I feel good. A little scared at the new challenge I am planning to undertake, but looking forward to the time when it starts to feel normal and I can just live. In general, I feel the best I've felt in months. Hooray for making the right choices.

I suppose the big symbolic news is that after about 3am Friday morning I will...hmmm...what's a good metaphor...let's say I will no longer have my hand in the devil's wallet.

Other things are on the horizon too - check back soon for more news.

Matt

Freedom

2011-08-02T22:31:00.004-04:00

Just wanted to express the joy I feel being free of Facebook. On several occasions today, in between filling out sub applications, I nearly clicked on facebook out of habit. Then, upon remembering that I didn't have to do it any more, I felt this surge of excitement at all the things I could do INSTEAD. It felt really good. Scary how much time I wasted on that thing.

Okay, okay. I know, shut up already. Sorry. I just hadn't expected that particular reaction. And it's not like I filled up that time with anything else particularly worthwhile anyway. I can imagine the possibilities I'd open to myself if I gave up the internet altogether. I think...I could rule the world.

Anyway, things continue to be going well around here. My mood fluctuates from petrified to excited about 50 times a day. The one thing I don't feel is calm. I look forward to calm again. I really do. Someday. Someday. But it certainly beats depressed.

God bless all,
Matt

Irony

2011-08-01T14:11:00.002-04:00

I spent over 3 months in turmoil actively and frantically looking for a job. My first job offer, way back in...April? May? Don't even remember now...I had to turn down because there were just too many questions about the location of that job and its suitability for my family. The second job I was offered was one I truly wanted. However, realities of finance and real estate prevented us from being able to make the move to accept that position. At that point we were sad, truly sad about moving...but ready for the excitement and adventure of starting over...it was the definition of bittersweet. Turning it down this time was not something I enjoyed having to do. We liked the location, we liked the people, we would have done it in a heartbeat. We just couldn't. The last job I was offered was not a teaching job. And the thought of taking that one put me into a panic - my being again (as it had in a similar situation back in 2003) rejected the idea and forced me to look deep within myself at what I truly wanted and was willing to accept and sacrifice.
So here I am. August has come, and I still have no job. And yet I couldn't stand the idea of being out of the education business any longer. So I'm going to do something I never thought I'd do...I'm going to sub. God help me, I'm going to sub wherever they'll take me, because I am a teacher and I need to be in a school to be fully realized. We're not sure exactly how we'll make ends meet but we are trusting in God to provide and our support net to catch us if we fall. Who knows? Maybe subbing will be so miserable that I'll never want to enter another school again. Then I'll finally be ready to leave. But somehow...I don't think so. I think, in some sick twisted way...this is going to be fun.
So the irony is that I spent all this time looking and looking for a job. And now that I don't have one...I feel the best I've felt in months. Truly, the Lord works in mysterious ways. Praise be.

Thanks all for your thoughts and prayers. Let's do this.

Matt

Signing off

2011-07-27T21:35:00.004-04:00

A few months ago, I started using facebook. I have railed against facebook in the past as I thought it was part of the machinery dismantling meaningful writing. I've rehashed that several times. No need to do it again. Check the archives. I joined up finally in order to perhaps gain some networking and make some connections in the search for a new job. Several suggestions made to me on facebook actually did lead to some opportunities, and for that I am thankful - but these suggestions were made by real life friends who I could have easily asked in person for help. Facebook really didn't make it happen.

Meanwhile, I found myself wasting more and more time on the infernal machine, and found myself becoming addicted to talking about myself in small meaningless fragments. It sucked me in just like everyone else. I found myself judging the worth of what I said by the number of responses I got, and actually found myself disappointed when posts got ignored. I tried to get interested in other people's posts, but as life continued to be difficult, I at time became annoyed at other people's carefree and easy-going attitudes...and even when not annoyed, I just couldn't get emotionally connected to anyone's soundbites. And yes, there were times when I posted drama in search of emotional support, and some good friends responded how they could. And I am truly grateful for that. But 2 typed sentences on a page are a poor poor substitute for a reassuring hand on your shoulder, or a shared look of understanding, or the presence of another human being.

So Facebook pretty much let me down. And that's fine. I owed it a try. I'm not disappointed, I'm not surprised. It is what it is. I need to get back to this blog, limited as it is. Because here, there is an audience of one. And it has been said that the best art is created for an audience of one. Not that this here thing is great art, but...I'm doing this to vent, to express myself in full paragraphs, to leave some kind of record of my life and the life of my family. And the life of my family is about big events, and complete thoughts, and unanswered questions...it's not about what I cooked for dinner on Tuesday. And I write, at the end of the day, for myself. To work out the experiences I have into some form of coherence. If anyone DOES choose to read, that's an added bonus, but not my intent and purpose. When I post on facebook, I'm screaming 'hey, look at me!' in the midst of hundreds of other people shouting the same thing. When I post here, I know that there are only 15-20 people at most who actually check it, but I know that those people care enough to read and think and take the time to enter my world long enough to be here with me in some way.

There are other reasons too. Frankly it would be too painful to sit reading posts from all my former colleagues as they go back to school while I am no longer a part of their world. Can't stand the thought of being reminded on a daily basis of what once was. But...at the end of the day, it just isn't a meaningful enough experience for me.

I mean, think about it. People in my life have gone through life-altering and devastating things in the past few months. But few on facebook know about it because facebook doesn't really allow for that kind of earth-shattering event to be documented. People know this. When the big stuff goes down, you turn to real people, right? The friends that are living, breathing people...not just a profile picture.

Okay, enough already. You're sick of hearing it. I will get to the point now. I am going back off of facebook. I thank those of you who stepped me through the past few months of struggle and transition. I look forward to your continued friendship via meaningful, thought-out conversation, be it electronically or in person. You know where to find me and I will always make time for my true friends. To those who lost interest...I don't blame you. My life is as boring as everyone else's when it's nothing but soundbites. I wish you all well.

Continue to check the blog for my thoughts and musings. It's not brilliant scholarship and it's not beautiful prose. But it's what I got and what I can give. As is my habit, I leave you with song lyrics. I have found it difficult to listen to the Flower Kings for the last few months. Very positive, uplifting music...but which failed to touch me the way more gritty stuff has recently. But they can sometimes pull off melancholy quite well. This song has a lot of personal meaning for me on many levels...as my summer of transition now turns to an entire year of transition, my road back home is becoming a lot longer than I thought it would be.

Thank you all for reading, I'm not going anywhere, I'll be right here if you need me. And after all, it's good to be alive.

Matt

"THE ROAD BACK HOME"
____________

Down to the crossroad with an open mind
Tails out tapes so please rewind
Do you mind if I me take a closer look
add my name in blood and then close the book...

Now, I don't regret so much what I said
but it's sad some of it stayed inside my head
Jumped the garden wall, climbed the learning tree
sleep the meadows green, high the memory

Like a slave to the grind
of my own tortured mind
I just look for a road back home.

Wheels of life turning endlessly,
like the rivers run to the sea.
Now I'm grateful to you and I tried to be true,
and after all, it's good to be alive

Bless my lucky star that you came my way
I picked up on most what you once said.
And it's always plain for the world to see
there's just one place where I long to be.

And I talked to the wind
where am I to begin
I just pray for the road back home

Wheels of time turning endlessly,
like the rivers run to the sea.
Now I'm grateful to you and I tried to be true,
and after all, it's good to be alive

More frustrations, more ruminations

2011-07-21T20:28:00.003-04:00

A lot has happened since the last post. A lot of nothing.

I continue to be disappointed by administrators' lack of communication skills. I'm just old fashioned enough to feel like if someone comes into your office and talks to you about a job opening, you owe them the courtesy of an email rejection if nothing else. I don't want to harp on that, because I've never sat on the other side of the desk...but it's common courtesy. And you would especially think that people who are working at religiously-affiliated schools would have a worldview which included that level of compassion. I have been disappointed in a lot of people this month.

So, we move on. The first serious option outside of teaching has presented itself, and while it saddens me to have to consider that road, it is at least a meaningful, rewarding opportunity, and not just a desk job. We will see if anything comes of that interview in the next couple of weeks.

The recurring theme of the blog is my heartbreak over losing the possibility of long summer trips. Again, I try not to think about it, but the reality is closing in. Whatever happens, I will continue to keep that hope alive. My family's long adventures in 2007 and 2009 are etched in my memory, and the desire to get back out on another journey is a tangible need I can taste. Who knows what the future holds for us? Life is a long long road, and it remains to be seen whether my current situation is a dead-end, a detour, or an off-ramp. I hope to be back. I dearly hope for that.

In the meantime, I am faced with the brutal reality. Somewhere in the past year, my life changed from planning family trips to studying federal poverty guideline charts. Somewhere I went from talking about the beach to talking about bankruptcy. This is not the life I was expecting.

But it's my life, and it's life. And life, in all its trials and tribulations, is a beautiful thing. And this mess may get me down from time to time, and perhaps it's eating away at me more than I realize, but it will take more than this to break my spirit. I still thank the God of Heaven and Earth for the opportunity to be alive. I still have the most amazing and wonderful and incredible family...ummm...EVER. I am poor in finances but rich in everything else. Even with all the mess in my life, and the unknown, and the receding hairline...dare I say it...yeah, I do. You all wish you were me.

Take that, negativity.

Matt

A few moments

2011-07-03T13:07:00.002-04:00

Things have been odd since returning from vacation.

The way home was difficult. You see, I believe in parallel universes. I think that somehow they all exist side-by-side, occupying the same space, and that most of the time, the difference between them is so small that it's not even noticeable. Yet sometimes, drastic things happen in one universe but not in another and it's times like these that perhaps lead to an odd feeling of unease or an unexplained shiver - and I like to think that deja vu is the result of us bumping up against another neighboring universe where the exact same thing happened not long ago.

Okay, before everyone creeps out, it's not that I necessarily believe all this literally but it's an interesting way to look at your life and the choices you have to make - and thinking that somewhere right there with you is another you who is living a life of different choices and different events...it puts a fresh perspective on the life that you ARE actually living.

I also tend to think that you gain strength from those neighboring selves, knowing that in this universe, you chose something that was chosen by so many other selves...which leads to the conviction that you are truly doing what is right for you.

Anyway. The point I'm driving to is...the drive home from HHI was truly the first time that I would have put great distance between myself and the me next door who wasn't put out of work. That other me, in the time between the last day of school and the last day at HHI, did the same things. We went to IN to shake down the trailer. We taught at VBS. We packed for a big trip. And we both went to HHI. But after that, the other me went on to a longer vacation in Florida, and for the first time, I was left without the comfort of those other selves. I know it sounds crazy, but at that point, I felt very alone in an unexplainable way.

Now that feeling has faded, as I have built up my own array of neighboring universes diverging from this one...and as many choices have had to be made in that time due to our flooded basement, the number of selves has increased rather quickly. But it's still an odd place to be in. If my theory is true, I would expect a bit of odd emotion again when the other me comes back from longer vacation, and certainly when the school year begins if I'm still without meaningful employment.

All the metaphysical hoohah aside, it's been tough keeping the kids entertained when our basement is unusable. But we're keeping at it the best we can.

As far as my mental outlook in general, it's not bad on a day-to-day basis. As I've said before, I can live with the thought of working a menial job for a period of time. I can live with and even embrace being a stay-at-home dad. I can accept a lot of changes in my life, but I still am heartbroken at the prospect of losing my ability to take long trips with my family across the country. I am keeping myself together on that front by not thinking about it, but the knowledge is there. And sometimes late at night it keeps me awake. Not for long, because I'm tired. But it's there. And it's the saddest thing I've had to deal with in a long time.

So, keep the prayers coming. Don't know what's ahead, but I'm being patient. For now.

Matt

Last day on the beach

2011-06-25T15:10:00.003-04:00

All is still well. We have had a great week. The kids have been, aside from the expected exceptions here and there, remarkably well behaved, and everyone has gotten along great. We have had much needed together family time, and some much needed alone time as well. We have gotten away from the stress and mess of home, and I for one am refreshed and ready to return to face the challenges of a new life.

I was able to purchase a bunch of new music for this week, and I got to listen to some of it. Some people are interested in this, so I will put it all out there:

"Something's Coming" by Ty Tabor
"Born into Trouble as the Sparks Fly Upward" by A Silver Mt. Zion
"That Changes Everything" by Jonathan Kingham
"Hardcore Will Never Die but You Will" by Mogwai
"fixed::content" by Labradford
"The Millions Too Many" by A Northern Chorus
"Geogaddi" by Boards of Canada
"Riceboy Sleeps" by Jonsi and Alex
"Eingya" by Helios

Got to listen to all of the Mogwai album - nothing groundbreaking but thoroughly enjoyable. The Ty Tabor effort was perhaps his most solid from beginning to end...although a few of the songs really could have benefitted from a third verse. The Jonathan Kingham album is a style I don't usually delve into - pretty standard love-song fare...but very well written and I can certainly respect the songwriting craft. Got through about half of Boards of Canada. Still not entirely sure I 'get' their music, but it is interesting nonetheless. Got in about 3 songs of Helios - this was my one cold purchase - never heard a note of music from this artist but following a long twisty road of amazon recommendations led me here and I'm glad it did.

So, a very successful bulk purchase. And I still have some challenging music to look forward to on my return. Still have a desire to do some more in-depth album and music reviews on this blog in addition to the family updates. We'll see.

Love to all, blessings, prayers. More in a few days.

First Day

2011-06-20T14:12:00.002-04:00

All is well on the beach.

It is good for a person to have a place to come back to year after year...a place where you can look back on your previous year, and view yourself in relation to your past. A prof at Xavier once pointed out that our culture is unusual in that it does not have a meaningful 'new year' tradition. Most cultures throughout the world have some kind of ceremony of renewal that takes place once a year and gives some meaning to the passage of time. In America, every new year, the goal is to simply erase your consciousness by drinking to excess. This does not count as a meaningful ceremony.

So perhaps this is mine. A yearly pilgrimage to a retreat where my daily routine is eliminated and I can exist alongside something much much bigger than myself - an ocean so vast it can't be comprehended, and which I am only fit to wade in at the very very edges. And where I can look back and see what all has happened to bring me here.

I don't look back in regret. I look back fondly on proud memories, but I don't let the past hover around me. Life moves forward. My recent experiences were terrible and painful when they were in the present, but as soon as they became the past, their power over me faded. The future is still unknown, but the present is mine again. I offer as my message to you all the following lyrics from Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers. Because, truly...Today Belongs to the Light.

_____________________

We get up early
Before the din and the hurly burly
O, Lord we got a lot of work to do

We stay out late
We know Babylon don't hibernate
O, Lord, we got a lot of work to do

In the arms of a bright and rising day
We see all the zombies crawl away

The motorcade is rattling out of sight
The dark parade will fade into the night

Today belongs to the Light

There was a time
When I ran barefoot through the alleyways and spit at the grand design
O, Lord, I had a lot of work to do
But now, now is the time
We must all lend our hands to the grand design
O, Lord we got a lot of work to do

In the arms of a bright and rising day
We see all the zombies crawl away...
I will stand and be counted

The dark parade will fade into the night
The motorcade is rattling out of sight
Today belongs to the Light

O, Lord, we got a lot of work to do
Stand up for all that is bright and true

11 Years Later

2011-06-17T21:54:00.002-04:00

And here we are.

11 years ago, I made a promise before family, friends, and God, to stay true to the love of my life, no matter what. Part of that oath has become a cliche in our culture: "For better or for worse." In our 11 years together, we have been blessed to experience a lot of better. In the last few months we have endured some of the worst.

Steph, my love. Times have been tough, and right now for us, the future is as uncertain as anything we have ever faced together. We have friends who have supported us. We have enemies who would love to see us fail. But in reality, the people who have put us in this position genuinely don't care one way or the other.

But none of that matters. Friends, enemies, or indifferent, nothing and no one has changed the love which we share and which we know will carry us through this and all other obstacles in our path. What we have is bigger than anything life can throw at us.

And recently, as seemingly all other aspects of my life steadily unraveled around me, I still always knew that your loving arms awaited me at the end of that day's road. And I know that even if the next chapters of my life involve food service or food stamps...I know that our love is enobling and will help me walk a potentially humiliating road with dignity.

For despite our financial situation, our love makes us rich, richer than any I know. And in spite of all that has happened...I would not trade the road that God has set out for us for any other road. Because only on this road will I find you, and only on this road will we walk together.

I have loved the first 11 years together. I can't wait to see what happens next. Meet you back here, same time next year. The story is just getting interesting.

Matt

Bittersweet journey

2011-06-15T23:43:00.002-04:00

We are about to embark on another trip - which would usually be cause for immense celebration. I live for travel. It's what I go through the whole year of stress for. So hooray! We're going on a trip!

But it's not what it was supposed to be. We are blessed and grateful to be able to visit Steph's family in Jacksonville, and to be able to spend a week at the beach in Hilton Head. But this was originally going to be an extended trip including our first trip to Disney with the kids, and our first stay at a beachfront RV park in Ft. Myers. We had to cancel most of the trip because of the job situation. And as the situation continues to unfold, it becomes more and more likely that there may never be a big trip in the trailer and the RV again. One of the things I love most in the world has been ripped away from me and it's pretty hard to think about.

BUT. We have this week together with our families and we are not going to sit around moping. This is a wonderful week we always get to spend, and as I said, we're blessed to have it. It's more than a lot of people get. So we will make the most of it. The one thing they can't take away from us is our family, and our love of time spent together.

So keep checking in for information about our trip. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Matt

Keeping busy

2011-05-30T22:26:00.002-04:00

Lest anyone think I'm going to sit around and eat bonbons all day...

Saturday I mowed and trimmed the lawn and then did the same for the friend of a friend of a friend...picking up a few bucks along the way, continued to work with mom on removing the paint from the front porch posts to be repainted, worked with grandpa on an outdoor house project (me using mortar?) and took a couple loads of stuff over to the church rummage sale.

Sunday I assigned the girls to straighten up the living room and the twins' room, and I tackled the horrors of the storage room. You can now walk all the way back without having to leap over carseats and preschool Spanish visual aids. Still not 'organized' but it is at least visually acceptable. Also worked with Steph on sanding, washing, and priming Hannah's toddler bed (yes, it is long past time they get out of the cribs), and had a wonderful date night with my beautiful wife. Got back from that, made a breakfast casserole for the Memorial Day Brunch at Ma and Pa's, and went to bed.

Today, had some continued success with Robby and potty training in the morning, had a nice brunch, played in the backyard with the kids (although not too long - hot and humid), came home, set the girls to clean the basement, Steph put the first coat on the bed, managed to knock the desktop CPU tower over which hosed the hard drive, dad came over, we took it apart, scratched our heads, put it back together and then somehow it worked again...played with the kids, took them for a walk (or a bike and a scoot more accurately) changed the sheets on the beds (a real challenge in the girls' room with the bunk beds and the small library of books and toys that became buried in there. Then, went through my closet and, since I have kept the weight off for over 2 years now, set aside more than HALF my clothes to donate to the rummage sale.

All while Hannah has been fighting a nasty fever.

And I'm sure I missed something.

So basically, I am channeling my energy into the house and kids and I feel great doing it. Have a lot of plans and things to work on tomorrow, and I'm excited to get to them all.

I am blessed with a wonderful family. I have no right to complain about anything right now.

Matt

The Whirlwind

2011-05-28T16:41:00.002-04:00

Hello again all,

As predicted, facebook has killed my blog. But fear not, the day is approaching when I will cease and desist from using the accursed social media and return to expressing myself through this blog.

The job search continues, but with a quiet reserve instead of a frantic desperation. I want more than anything to continue teaching music, but am working through the painful process of accepting the reality that it's probably not going to happen...at least in the near future.

There will be a trip to Hilton Head, but the Disney/Fort Myers part of that vacation has been cancelled, so that the money set aside for that can possibly be used for moving expenses...or to keep us financially afloat in the event that neither Steph or I can land a job.

The kids continue to be a handful, but a wonderful handful. The biggest sadness about all this job business is that I have had my attention dragged away from the light of my life, my family. But now that the door has closed on my previous position, I am ready to devote myself fully to being the family man I have not been able to be for 2 months.

This has been a trying time but in looking back on my performance in this trial by fire, I give myself not a standing ovation but a silent nod of approval. Made some mistakes, but above all, stayed true to myself, my morals and ethics.

Those of you on facebook, that will probably continue to be the primary method of communication...just more secure posting info there until things get settled.

God bless you all!

Matt and family

We are still here

2011-04-13T06:10:00.003-04:00

The blog is not being updated. A wise friend pointed out that in this digital age, I need to be careful about what gets posted on the blog when I'm conducting a job search. For that reason (and the fact that finding a job is a full-time job) the blog has been put in storage for the time being. As mentioned before, I am reluctantly using facebook to keep people informed, so please find information on our family situation there, if you are so inclined.
We all look forward to the time when things settle down once again and we are able to concentrate on the little things once more. We are in the whirlwind and trusting in God to guide us through.
Thanks to all for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support.

Matt and family

In other news

2011-03-13T20:17:00.003-04:00

Just in time for interview season, I am at my lowest weight since 2003ish. And it's being done healthily, on the Matt diet. I will have to explain the Matt diet sometime.

Since my blimpiest point, when I was somewhere around 255 pounds in the summer of 2008, I was down to 192 this afternoon. Now, I proceeded to stuff my face full of dad's great carnitas at dinner, so I'll be back up. Have to go dig up an old photo for a nice before and after shot.

FYI, at 192 pounds, my wedding ring starts randomly falling off, and I am starting to need a belt for the size 38 jeans. Feels good.

It's Sunday night. Another week is starting. Here goes nothing...

Matt

From Sea to Shining Sea...

2011-03-12T08:12:00.003-05:00

...the job search is underway.

For the sake of my career and family, I have bitten the bullet and started using facebook. I don't like it, but I already have made possible connections in 2 states that I would not have had otherwise. So, it's serving its purpose.

All is as well as can be. Our faith is strong and will see us through a challenging time. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Matt

Event Horizon?

2011-02-22T19:47:00.002-05:00

Hello all. Things are still happening, but in a lot of ways, we are all sort of living in stasis until we know what there is to know about the job situation. Thus, I just haven't felt a great desire to keep the blog up to date. One way or the other, once news comes in (we expect SOMEthing within a month or so at worst) things will start to pick up here. We have done all we can do. My resume is updated, and a working cover letter is drafted and ready to be sent to any place in the country that might be in the market. We have done preliminary basic research on other places in the country that might be decent places to live.

Now here's hoping we don't need any of it.

God bless,
Matt

Are We the Same?

2011-01-13T11:54:00.003-05:00

At Christmas, pretty much the only thing I asked for was as usual money and/or gift cards to buy more music. Amazon, iTunes, etc. Did pretty well. Actually, great. Ended up being able to purchase 18 new albums.

Now for me, this is 'kid in a candy store' time. Sadly, I never have time to listen except at the end of the day, and I usually last about 5-10 minutes before I crash. So it takes a while. But it's a wonderful feeling for me, knowing that I have SO
MUCH new music that I can't actually remember all I got.

Now, this process is often quite fascinating. Because often the new music jogs my memory of other things I haven't listened to for a while, and sends me running back to the archives to rediscover old forgotten music. And often the stuff that barely made the cut to be purchased ends up being the unexpected gem.

So, to be specific, because I know you care: Here's what I ended up getting, sorted more or less by category:

Prog Rock:

Spock's Beard - "X"
The Flower Kings - "Back in the World of Adventures"
The Flower Kings - "The Rainmaker"
The Flower Kings - "Flowerpower"

More Traditional Alternative/Rock:

Ed Kowalcyzk - "Alive"
The Tragically Hip - "We Are the Same"

Post-rock/Post-metal:

Mogwai - "Mr. Beast"
Explosions in the Sky - "How Strange, Innocence"
Sigur Ros - "Agaetis Byrjun"
Russian Circles - "Enter"
God is an Astronaut - "The End of the Beginning"
Caspian - "The Four Trees"
Jonsi - "Go"

Other:

The Album Leaf - "In a Safe Place"
Tristeza - "Dream Signals in Full Circles"
A Northern Chorus - "Bitter Hands Resign"
Esmerine - "If Only a Sweet Surrender to the Nights to Come Be True"
Ulrich Schnauss - "Goodbye"

The "Other" category blurs into the post-rock somewhat, with the exception of Ulrich Schnauss which is electronica. So. Diverse list. And I've been through a bit of it.

But the fascinating thing is that I can't seem to get myself to stop listening to the Tragically Hip album. "We Are the Same" blows me away. And The Hip have always been just barely on my radar. I have a lot of their albums because their stuff is always INTERESTING, if not always rewarding on a strictly musical level. Lyrically, Gord Downie has the same ability as Michael Stipe at his best - using words to create a affecting image that just burns itself into your brain and sticks with you. They do it in different ways...Stipe's imagery is, to me, more poetic and abstract, whereas Downie often paints a clear picture, almost a prose narration of a situation, suspended in time, and brimming with uncertain meaning. For me personally, I think 2 things kept me from really connecting with the Hip the same way I always have with R.E.M. For one thing, being such a consciously Canadian band, often the Hip's specific images and references are lost on me, and require research and digging to understand (much like with Midnight Oil's Australian imagery). But also, I just never thought the music was on the same level as the lyrics. With R.E.M. almost every song is interesting enough musically to be a good instrumental. My understanding is that's the way they write - songs are only given to Stipe once they're fleshed out and interesting enough to stand on their own in a sense. That's where, at its best, the richness of R.E.M.'s music comes from. With the Hip...I was never blown away by the compositions. Oddly enough, part of the appeal to me was the intellectual lyrics thrown into sharp relief against a somewhat pedestrian musical backdrop, like reading a philosophy textbook accompanied by classic rock instrumentals. At its best, it worked very well, but it wasn't fully satisfying.

But this album, wow. And it's not so much that the music is better or that it's brilliant now, but this is the first album of theirs where to ME everything actually seems like a unified whole - deep, rich, and complete. Everything belongs to and complements something else. It's a really satisfying listen, beginning to end.

And I read that a lot of fans hated it - too mellow, too soft...and I suppose if that's where you're coming from I can understand the hesitation. After all, when Bob Mould put out "Modulate" I had some soul-searching to do - was this techno stuff even still really the same person? What it came down to for me was asking if this was still a Bob Mould song, now that it had a backbeat instead of a wall of guitars? Did I love the songwriting or just the sound I had become accustomed to? Once I could recognize the writing beneath the sound, the choice was easy. On the other hand, I had to sadly walk away from Poi Dog Pondering after "In Seed Comes Fruit" because they had fundamentally altered and watered down their songwriting at the expense of the new sound.

But back to the Hip. "We Are the Same" does sound different, but it's clearly still the Hip. My goodness, "Frozen in My Tracks" is quintessential, and it's not what I would call gentle. What they've managed to do is finally fulfill their own sound's potential so well that they transcend it. And for me, the final effect has been that I am going back, relistening to the older songs with new ears, and they all make a lot more sense to me now. This album has managed to do something amazing - it has clarified their entire back-catalogue for me. And moved them up on my list, to where right now today, I could say they are one of my favorite artists. Top 5? Let's see how that looks:

In no particular order:

Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers
Glen Phillips
The Flower Kings
R.E.M.
The Tragically Hip?

Hmmm...

I think a lot will depend on the next album. If the next album sounds and feels more like "In Between Evolution" and "Music@Work"...then I guess I'm missing the point here and it will still be just a band I listen to on the perimeter of my musical universe.

This was an unusual post, but maybe gives people an inkling what goes on in my mind when I'm listening to stuff. Take it for what it's worth. I gotta go work.

Indefinite hiatus?

2011-01-03T09:20:00.002-05:00

Sure seems that way. Been a busy wild month as always. We've come through the holiday season unscathed once more.

Nothing too eventful to report at this point. It was, as always, wonderfully recharging to be with the family so much, and it was, as always, incredibly challenging at times too.

The kids are growing up at their own pace and in their own way, and while there is obcviously some sadness to that, I can also feel myself wearying of the 'little kid' jobs that I have to do so often. The golden moment of Faith and Mari being able to get themselves up on Saturdays, grab some cereal and go downstairs to watch tv without our help is on the horizon. The twins are suddenly interested in the potty book again, and the thought of never having to buy another diaper again is also foremost in my mind. Things are changing in bittersweet ways. But the sweet is feeling really sweet right now.

As far as the other big changes, we're still just watching and waiting. Yes, this time next year things could be a LOT different, in terms of jobs, and much as we hate to admit it, even location. We're hoping things don't go that way, of course, but if my position is eliminated it's sure going to be hard to find another one in Ohio. But, thinking about this future that is out of my control only adversely affects the present, so I keep focused on the task at hand. I still have a job now and I do all I can to do it to the best of my ability. Hopefully I will continue to be able to do it for a long long time.

Hopefully we can keep up on the blog as things develop. A belated happy new year to all. God bless!

Matt

Ramblings

2010-12-07T21:34:00.002-05:00

A few thoughts.

Christmas shopping is never easy.

Shopping for kids who are old enough to actually understand and have an opinion is even harder.

Shopping for boy/girl twins is also exceedingly challenging - do you get stuff for both? For one or the other? Are you being too 'traditional gender role' with the gifts?

Shopping for Hannah is the hardest of all.

And the real issue here is that it seems like 90% of what's out there is JUNK JUNK JUNK!!! God bless online customer reviews or we'd waste a lot of money. I seriously think it is every American's duty to write online reviews of every product they buy. I have been remiss in this and plan to spend a couple weeks after Christmas reviewing everything we get. But back to the point: We'll see something that looks like a great idea, a cool gift, and then innocently check those reviews and discover that it's without fail, practically broken out of the box. SO frustrating! Why can't companies make quality products? Of course, some do...and then those things are priced through the roof. And it's especially frustrating to see that megacorporations are the worst of all. I mean, in case you haven't figured it out, almost everything made by...ummm...better talk in code here..."El Raton" let's say...is a piece of total garbage. But they can do it, because they'll lure in hapless gift-givers who haven't learned yet. Makes me sick.

Anyway, back to us. My freetime is now spent completely, every day, thinking about finishing our shopping. I love the holidays, I love giving to the kids, I love the discovery...but it's a lot more work than it used to be. A little nostalgia is being felt for sure...but, I don't spend too much time pining for the old days. Time only moves one way.

In professional news, I applied and was selected to help re-write the Ohio Arts Standards. Pretty exciting...well, not really, it will probably actually be some seriously dry work. But I'm seriously glad to have the opportunity to be involved in something at this level. Hopefully I'll have something meaningful to contribute.

That's all for now. Enjoy the season everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving! School Pics

2010-11-25T10:21:00.004-05:00

Thanksgiving is here - and for those of you who know all about Zek, you will be glad to know that we've already had to clean up some vomit today. Ahh, the holidays!

Anyway, been meaning to post the kids' school pics for a while now - absolutely amazing how well they ALL turned out. Even Hannah is smiling, though she looks trademark Hannah-weird.

Here they are:

And lastly, about the funniest thing you're likely to see today. On Tuesday, Faith had to go with Steph to get a background check for a tutoring job she's starting. Of course this meant Steph had to explain to Faith what a background check is. So, in Faith's wonderful yet odd imagination, later that night, she was pretending and offered to do a background check on Steph. Here is the result:

Happy Thanksgiving all! Enjoy the holiday!

Storm Clouds

2010-11-19T08:16:00.002-05:00

Trouble is afoot in our world.

The Three Letters of Doom have now been officially dropped into the mix at work. RIFs are on the table.

And in this economic climate...you can bet that Music at the elementary level is not going to be considered a high priority. Just out of curiosity, I did a google search to this effect this morning and found no shortage of stories about elementary music, art, and PE programs being cut all across the country.

We'll have a chance to meet with the powers that be after Thanksgiving break. While nothing official is likely any time soon, I don't expect it to be good news.

As many of you who read this thing know, I had a fairly serious bout with depression the last time I found myself out of work.

However, I do NOT expect that to happen again. Steph and I talked about it this morning, and we agree - things have changed a LOT since then, we are both different people now - stronger, wiser, more confident and...with more serenity. I will hopefully have a chance to elaborate on that whole area in the coming days.

I will of course keep everyone informed as I know more. Thoughts and prayers always appreciated, and of course, be thankful for what you have.

Matt

More sickness

2010-11-11T12:05:00.002-05:00

Been a long time. Sorry as usual.

We have been passing around various ear infections, stomach bugs, and strep during the last couple weeks. Luckily none of it ever reached dramatic proportions but the systematic way we have passed things from one to another and then immediately been smacked with a new virus has been rather comical of late. The medical fund which we had built up pretty well evaporated in a puff of smoke yesterday. When co-pays are $30 and 2 kids go in, and both end up needing a $20 prescription...well...do the math. Meanwhile, at our house, antibiotics have become their own food group.

And of course, blogging becomes a luxury, so that's why nothing has been posted for so long.

Halloween (the real one) was great - kids were good, had fun, and we got some great pics and video. My most recent work-related endeavors were successes as well.

We are on the long slow march to the desperately needed but always short lived Thanksgiving break. And we are frantically trying to figure out how to stretch our gift dollar this holiday season.

It deserves saying again. We are doing a phenomenal job with our current budget. We are living with pretty much ZERO discrectionary income. Every dollar has to go somewhere to keep us afloat. We are paying every day for our past financial mistakes. But I don't dwell on it. We made our mistakes, the past is the past, I'm simply proud of how well we're managing right now. But we are beyond the idea of 'no wiggle room' - we are in a form-fitting box right now.

It's tough. It's sometimes a little scary. And some people who don't know us very well might raise an eyebrow at some current choices, but I can only state with sincerity that everything we do financially now is weighed and is done for a reason. We have a very concrete set of priorities and we stick to it...it might be different from someone else's priority set, but it's true to us and we believe in it. And I do believe that we will come out of this morass somehow. And again - I am proud of the way we are doing things now. Subtract our past foolishness from our current spreadsheets and we'd be living the good life 5 times over.

Anyway, didn't expect this post to go THAT direction, but I feel better having laid that one all out there.

Peace all, enjoy everything around you!

Matt

Pre-Halloween

2010-10-20T12:39:00.002-04:00

Spent last weekend at the Dayton Tall Timbers KOA for one of their Halloween-themed weekends. We have been doing this the last few years at the Cross Creek Camping Resort north of Columbus, but for various reasons couldn't make their weekend. We had stayed at the Dayton KOA before, so we knew it was very nice. We had a really good weekend.

The twins were really cute trick-or-treating for the first time - although Hannah had some trouble with the idea. You see, Hannah's favorite thing in the world to do right now is to take things out of one container and put them in another. She will sit and do this for an hour if we let her. So, here she is, walking around with a brightly colored pumpkin-shaped container, and she goes up to someone holding a bowl full of candy. So...of course she wants to put ALL that candy into her container. Which...looks really bad if you don't know the whole backstory. So we had to keep telling her to only take one, and man did she look offended. Never got upset, because there was always another bowl right ahead, but she definitely was confused why we were killing her fun. I mean, she would have put them all back eventually! Anyway, they both did fine, although Robby did get pretty scared by some of the more gruesomely decorated sites.

It was of course the anniversary of the last RV Halloween weekend, which ended at Columbus Children's Hospital with Robby's epic croup case. But no major illness this year. I did get laryngitis again just like last year, but this is simply an annoyance. (I still don't have my voice completely back, for the record. I can talk fine, but I still can't demonstrate singing voice for my students.)

When we got back, plop, right into the stress pan. (I know that's not a real expression but I just made it up and I like it a lot) It's been said that the human mind can only think about a certain number of things at once, without something dropping out. I can feel this when there is so much going on in my life that I get overwhelmed...and then I just take care of ONE thing, and all of a sudden everything seems clear. Well, this week I got a different end of this. I had about 7 things to think about and worry about and then I got an additional really big dose of bad news...and I discovered that I had absolutely no where else to put it. So it sat there, piled on top of my worries, but not really being dealt with.

The bad news actually went away very quickly on its own, so all is fine now...but it was an odd sensation.

The next 2-3 weeks are a grind. I'll check in when I can. Stay sane (or just sane enough)...

Matt

Wearing down

2010-10-11T21:11:00.003-04:00

It's been a busy stretch lately. Not bad, not overly stressful, just busy. Something has to take a back seat, and the blog has suffered. The recent news:

Hard at work on a surprisingly complicated mess of a 4th grade program. Just got done assigning the parts - way too many - if kids don't show it will be a nightmare. Luckily I feel like I've managed to instill in most of my students the sense that actually showing up for something that you've worked hard at and that other people are counting on you for is a good thing.

Just got done with a Brass Fellowship peformance with the Cincinnati October Festival Choir - played, among other things, Hindemith's Apparebit Repentina Dies (think I typed that right). Truthfully, one of the most difficult things I have ever had to perform. Not necessarily the most technically challenging but the most mentally demanding from start to finish. Felt totally drained by the end of it. Very thankful to have been a part of that.

Kids are well - although Hannah this morning threw us all for a loop with an exploded diaper. Faith had an ear infection recently, which was our first trip to the doctor in months. We know more are coming, but it was nice to have such a good run of health. Mari is adjusting exceptionally well to 5-day preschool. No reports of any trouble yet. Sadly, she's back in the habit of growling at us when we correct her or ask her to do things. But, she's being a good Specter lately...keeps her problems in-house. Faith is also doing well in 1st grade - seems to be doing quite well socially, including claiming to have a boyfriend. We all got quite interested until we realized that it wasn't a big deal because the boy in question is also several other girls' boyfriend. The twins are also doing well, with the exception of when Steph has to take them in to pick up Mari on days when the twins DON'T go to preschool. At which point they proceed to throw textbook tantrums and have to be dragged kicking and screaming out the door. Nice. And, as referenced in an earlier pic, their artistic skills are bordering on special needs.

In the midst of all this I've been doing some pretty good teaching and am feeling more and more comfortable with the flow of the year. I'm trying to new things and most of it is working. The days kind of zip by most of the time.

And at home, movie work slowly progresses. Just about done with Hilton Head 2010. Look for those movies to appear on Youtube soon.

This weekend, last trailer trip of the year, to Dayton Tall Timbers KOA for a Halloween themed weekend. Should be fun. Here's hoping that things don't go like they did last year at our Halloween trailer weekend.

God bless,
Matt

My RedHawk Experience

2010-10-02T19:35:00.003-04:00

This is a bit of a tongue-in-cheek reference to Team Towner's latest blog entry. They get to go to Nebraska games - big time college football - one of the premier experiences in the nation.

Today, dad and I took Faith and Mari up to Oxford for the big Miami-Kent State game.

Stand back.

Okay, in fairness, I used to go to Miami games a lot, back when my brother was in college there. It is, at its best, a wonderful football atmosphere, a beautiful location, just on a small scale. Which is a good thing.

But the team has struggled of late and the energy seemed a bit lacking today. Admittedly it was a typical early October day in Ohio - temp in the upper 50s, overcast, steady rain. But after just having read Gina's post, I couldn't help but compare. At any rate, it was a good day, the girls were wonderful, and we got to see cousin Kevin march - very entertaining Queen show, I must say.

Some pics - enjoy, Gina and Cliff...

Dad sprung for some sweatshirts for the girls - and it was a good thing too, they would have been absolutely drenched if he hadn't:

Big crowd for the opening kickoff:

When the rains came, it REALLY emptied out:

We had the whole place to ourselves.

Time to get out of the rain - game over. Miami won, in case you needed to know.

2010-09-29T06:07:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I feel bad now. First time I put a pretty negative post on the blog and then it sits there for almost 2 weeks.

Things are better. I'm in a pretty 'routine' stretch right now. Our next big event to look forward to is our pre-Halloween trailer weekend trip in mid-October. That's a ways away at this point, but it's something to work towards. Steph starts her job up again full-speed very soon as well, so everyone is going to be a little busier soon.

The weather has finally broken and I think we're done with the heat. There are starting to be lows in the 40s in the forecast, which after 90+ heat as recently as last week, looks really nice. We are still looking for a decent firepit we can get on the cheap, to be able to go outside and enjoy the cool evenings, but so far no luck.

Kids are all loving school. I will probably have more to say about that coming up soon. But for now, that's all I got.

MS

Reality

2010-09-16T20:03:00.002-04:00

Lest anyone get the mistaken impression that we only post the happy feelgood stuff on here...

Boy, these kids are a pain sometimes. Faith and Mari can't be in the same room without fighting over the air molecules. Hannah says "Ouch" now if you touch her at all and screams over everything. Faith, when she knows she's done something wrong, now likes to weepily exaggerate what she's done into truly epic proportions and then tries to command the situation by interrupting us and saying what she thinks we're going to say about WHY it was bad - again usually with a keen sense of hyperbole...and incorrectness. Mari has again taken to slamming doors and shouting unintelligibly at us when she gets in trouble, along with attempting to variously run away, hide her face, or every so often, growling. Hannah doesn't understand that there are necessarily some moments at the dinner table when food isn't actually IN your mouth, nor does she understand that her mouth can't hold 2 hot dogs all at once.

Robby...well, actually he's been pretty okay lately.

It's been a rough week behavior wise. Here's hoping things improve.

Matt

Preschool first day (part 2 - more pics)

2010-09-13T18:21:00.003-04:00

Part 1 of this post is below - here are a few more pics.

Robby got right to work on puzzles:

Please, let this be a picture full of symbolism.

All done!

Ugh...Robby and Hannah have a long way to go in the art department...

Preschool first day

2010-09-13T18:09:00.005-04:00

The following is an email Steph sent me this morning - I thought it made for as good a blog post as any I could have typed up:

____

Well, all 4 of my children are in school at the moment for the first time!
:-) :-(

Mommy did fine -- I really didn't even tear up too much. It was nice to be able to stay for a few minutes after they got settled in to their classrooms to kinda "sneakily" watch them and snap some more pics while they weren't watching.

Mari, of course, barely even remembered to give me a hug and went right in, found her name tag and got on with playing with My Little Ponies. No problems.

The twins were so cute with putting their bags and lunch boxes in their cubbies. Robby went right in, no problems, all smiles. Found his name tag right away w/ out help (big surprise -- picture him saying, "A B C C's!!!!" then got to work on a puzzle. Hannah went in, but gave Mrs. O'Brien her shy but if you don't know her well it seems nasty kinda look -- classic Hannah! Hannah found her name tag by herself as well. Had to be convinced a little more to start a puzzle. I went to see how Mari was doing (great of course) and then went back to look at the twins and I hear, "Hannah, we're all sitting at the table right now! Hannah! Can you come sit at the table with us? Thank you, great job!" Yeah. I believe Hannah will be the one with the biggest learning curve! :-)

So, all is well! I'll post/send pics later.

____

So, here are some pics:

Good morning!

Ready to go...but where's Hannah?

Grumpy as usual.

Nothing a little tickle can't cure...

More pics coming in a moment...

Random teaching thoughts

2010-09-08T20:11:00.003-04:00

When I am working, when I am teaching, I'm not really me. I suppose that is true of all of us to an extent, but as a teacher, especially a teacher of very young kids, you really are putting on an act when the kids get there. I suppose that maybe SOME of my colleagues are genuine and they really are just being themselves, but...well, anyone who knows me and my 'real' personality know that me singing happy songs and making people feel good about themselves is a little bit unnatural for me. I'm sarcastic, and a little dark (not as dark as I like to think, Steph would say - she's probably right, too), and my humor fluctuates wildly between inappropriately immature and incoherently esoteric. Not the stuff for Kindergarteners who are just learning self-control and manners.
But I have my act down, and it has become very natural for me to fall into that place. And it's not completely 'not me' at all. I do feel good for the kid who finally 'gets' something or who shows real promise at something. I feel good being able to facilitate that moment or help a kid turn a bad day around just a little bit. I just have to be more demonstrative and overt and 'cheery' than I normally would in real life. So, as I said, it's not really me. And I sort of go through this transformation and step into the background and let "Mr. Specter" take over.
But the funny thing is this:
Every now and then, my regular, normal, everyday personality unexpectedly creeps back up into my brain and I suddenly realize what I'm doing at that moment. It's unnerving, it's freaky, it's unpleasant, and it's nearly paralyzing. I HATE it when that happens. Being a self-made Kindergarten teacher is a lot like enjoying a thick, juicy cheeseburger. You can't think too hard about how it got there or you start to realize just how icky it is and how many things are just WRONG about it. You can ruin it for yourself. Best thing to do is just keep on eating out of habit and hope that your thinking self will get lost in the routine again.
I don't know what this says about me. Nothing too bad, I think, but I welcome your thoughts on the matter.

Matt

Date Night and Couples Night

2010-09-06T10:29:00.004-04:00

Friday night Steph and I had a rare date night. Very rare. Very nice. We had the rare combination of some spare spending cash, and a free babysitter. So, Steph and I enjoyed a bizarre amalgamation of old and new. We went grocery shopping. Yup. And it was nice. Then, we went to see the "Mysteries of the Great Lakes" Omnimax at Cincinnati Museum Center. Back when we were dating, Steph and I saw the new Omnimax movies whenever they came out. So it was very much a nostalgic trip. The movie was...okay. Honestly it should probably have been named "Saving the Sturgeon" which would have been more accurate. As much as we've come to love the great lakes scenery, there wasn't enough of it. Still, beats watching another Barbie classic.

Dinner was at Don Pablo's on the river. For those who don't know the history here...back before we understood both the massive amounts of debt and the massive amounts of calories, and before doing so was a major headache with even 2, let alone 4 kids in tow...we used to eat out a LOT. I mean, ALL. THE. TIME. And Don Pablo's was the high shrine of gluttony and credit card expense. "Hey, it's Wednesday, let's go eat at Don Pablo's!!!" We hadn't been for a long long time. Nowadays, when we go out, it's usually Cici's because it's cheap and it's already loud there so if the kids scream, no harm done. The food is not bad but it's not good, and after you stuff your face with it a few times, the thought of going back is less and less appealing. So a few weeks ago when the planets aligned, we decided to make Don Pablo's our first date night back.

So how was it? Honestly, not as good as previously remembered...but still very satisfying in a guilty pleasures kind of way. I can still eat a ridiculous amount of food when I want to...and the nice thing is I can usually skip the next 2 meals. We reminisced a lot about the REALLY old days in Peebles and how terrible we were with food and money back then. It was a very nice evening, but next time we might opt for something a LITTLE more highbrow in the food department.

That was Friday. Saturday night was our inaugural couples evening with B&K and M&B - we're starting an every 2 months rotation, and we hosted this time around. It was very nice to have everyone over and be adults. I sincerely hope that this can keep up - we have a good time together - I hope they had as good a time as we did. I generally abhor social situations like that, but it felt very comfortable, which is saying something for me. If they are reading this I reassure them that my occasional distance is not disinterest...I may have made that mistake in the past but I'm trying to correct it. Friends are few and far between in this world, and I've got some good ones. Not a lot, but the ones I've got are good.

All in all, all is well. We are entering a 'grind' now - lots of full weeks at work with no breaks in sight. At the other end is Thanksgiving. Let's do this.

Matt

Why I hate August

2010-09-03T06:32:00.003-04:00

August is the worst. It's not just that teachers have to go back to work then. But it puts the whole month in limbo.

August starts off with a dreadful unease, knowing that you're in the final days of your all-too-easy existence. It's coming. You know it. And even though the stress of going back has decreased markedly in recent years, there's still a major lifestyle change that occurs when you make the switch from doing pretty much what you choose all day to having a job again. It all culminates in the last few days, where no matter how much you want to 'make the most' of the end of summer, the fact is you're just so USED to it that you can't appreciate it.

When work actually starts, it's almost a relief - the thing that's been a big unknown in your mind is finally able to be made real. And it's a lot easier mentally dealing with 'the devil you know'.

And then there's late August. First, it's hot. Stinking hot. And my room at school has no A/C and is situated by the parking lot where the sun beats right into the windows all afternoon. So by the end of every day I am melted and beaten down. Every day I check the weather, and every day, the 90s seem to continue. And usually, as happened this year, it gets nice and cool on the weekends, then heats up again all week. It makes me yearn achingly for fall. But even worse than the temperature is the late August time phenomenon. As a teacher, I always need to feel like I'm progressing through the calendar towards something. The problem with late August is that no matter how good you feel about the progress you're making...IT'S STILL ONLY AUGUST!!! It's like you haven't even started yet. Think about it. In the same month, you were still on break! So each day that the calendar still says "August" is another day that doesn't even seem to COUNT.

It isn't until the month finally turns over that all the days you put in actually feel completed. And suddenly, you can see all the work you've done, realize that you're firmly planted in your routine once again, and not feel like every day is a drop in the bucket.

So farewell, August, I hated you like I always do. I will see you again next year and I will hate you again. September, you aint much better. But you aint August so I welcome you. Thanks for getting here.

Matt

Music and Video Stress

2010-08-31T20:07:00.003-04:00

It's been an ongoing joke in the family - "Are you worried that you're going to run out of music to use in the videos?"

Well...

I'm far from out of music altogether but the well does seem to be drying up for the moment. I've been reduced to just hitting 'shuffle songs' on my ipod and seeing what random thing in the 7000+ songs there pop up that might give me an inspiration. This has worked in the past but it's really starting to get flat in there. And I have Hilton Head, Pittsburgh, and Michigan still to go from 2010. That's no 2009 epic but it's a lot of material that needs to be married to some good tunes.

What's missing?

I need some more good tropical sounding music for beach vacations - stuff that's not TOO cheesy. Yeah, I could bust out the Doug Cameron electric violin but that stuff is so lightweight it makes smooth jazz look like Wagner. And with each passing year, the Michael Gettel and assorted Narada stuff seems less and less relevant. It just seems almost dishonest to put stuff I haven't listened to since high school on movies about my 6-year-old daughter. And what I'm into now...well, the post-rock stuff can work for dramatic vistas, but it wasn't that kind of a summer - and even that stuff (as I've mentioned before on the blog) can really seem out of place when it explodes into feedback all over a family video. Mellow out, guys. Here's hoping for an Explosions in the Sky acoustic experiment. You reading this, guys? Prog...is hit or miss. I've really milked the Flower Kings catalog, but there are still several albums I need to get.

Which is just it. I need some new music. I need to fill up the back catalog of things I used to listen to that still have some meaning, I need to fill the holes in the inventory of things that are really working well, I need to get some new stuff altogether, and a lot of bands/artists that I love REALLY need to put out some new albums. I need a $500 shopping spree on iTunes and the time to listen to what I buy.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Oh well. Keep the music coming, everyone!

Matt

Facebook - Again

2010-08-29T07:20:00.004-04:00

Steph has set up her and my facebook account so that blog posts automatically go there. I do sincerely thank her for that, it will probably bring slightly more traffic here. She also went in an answered some friend requests which had been sitting idle in my unused account for months. So I think I ought to restate briefly my facebook rant.

* I don't do facebook. I set up an account long ago to see what it was about and wasn't interested. I maintain my account because it's a good way to alert people about interesting stuff on the blog, especially when we're travelling. The blog is my primary means of disseminating info.

* If you tried to friend me and I never responded, don't take it personally. It doesn't mean I don't like you. It probably means I'd rather be your 'real' friend than your facebook friend. I think being a real friend is more meaningful. Send me an email, give me a call. Phones do still make calls, don't they?

* As mentioned above, any recent activity on my facebook account was undertaken by Steph and does not indicate a sudden conversion to the facebook nation. Again, not interested.

* For those who would like to know or need a review on WHY I don't do facebook, go to the blog, in the upper left corner, search 'facebook' and you will get the entire history of my thoughts on the matter.

* The entire history of our family travels is available at our Youtube page.

Hope all is well in your world, and God bless.

Matt

Transitions

2010-08-26T07:46:00.002-04:00

Faith has had her first day of 1^st grade. Went well. It’s funny, our concerns for our kids are always social in nature. She’ll do great learning-wise, there’s no doubt. But considering the genetic stock she comes from, we desperately want her to not be miserable and an outcast….unless that’s what she chooses. So hard to explain. But I just want her (and the rest, when it’s time) to not dread school for social reasons. I don’t want her to be the ‘popular girl’ – actually that would be worse than her being friendless…because then she’d have ZERO common ground with her parents. But we want her to be as ‘normal’ as she chooses to be. Which sounds really bad…but again, I have a lot of trouble explaining it. Maybe the best way to say it is that I want her to be Faith. I don’t want her to change herself to fit in, but I hope that who she is doesn’t make her so ‘different’ that it’s hard for her. But this is just 1^st grade, and she can easily have an identity thrust on her by other kids now, and once that happens it’s nearly impossible to undo it. So I am hoping that she finds a safe circle of friends wherein she can continue to grow and mature and become the person she’s meant to be.

Does that make sense?

Anyway, so far so good. And meanwhile, I am entering day 6 of the 2010-2011 school year. The real transition time. Being at work feels normal now, and summer break is just a memory. Which is good. And now my mind starts the process of readjusting to a new flow of time. It really takes this long for it to start happening. It all has to do with the balance between being in the moment and looking ahead. Summer is about the moment. You enjoy the now, and there’s little thought to the calendar or the day of the week. But now, back in the real world, you have to do a lot of planning ahead, and it changes the way time passes. You look forward to things…which is great, and gets you through the tough spots, but then, if you look ahead too much to some future moment, you start to skate right by the now, and when the anticipated moment finally arrives, you can’t slow your perception down enough to enjoy it and you get bummed out. At the same time, if you try to maintain the ‘here and now’ focus, the long days of work seem even longer and you get bummed about that. So it’s a balancing act, and it takes a while to get it all straightened out. Right now I’m feeling too far on the ‘time is zooming by’ side, and am trying to slow things down a bit, even if it means that work seems to take longer.

Wow. Really loquacious this morning. Anyway, keep checking in.

Matt

FONT>

First weekend

2010-08-22T20:18:00.003-04:00

Had a very nice weekend, puke notwithstanding. It looks like the weather is finally going to break by the end of the week and we could have temperatures low enough to warrant time spent outside intentionally again. And we can start shutting off the air in the evenings too...maybe. Gonna have to anyway what with our outrageous utility bill last month. Not pretty at all.
Money is tight. So tight that we had to face the reality and ditch our planned weekend trip to our favorite local RV park in September. There's just no way we can swing that. While it's no fun to make the 'grown-up' decision, it does feel good to do the right thing.
In work news, nothing to report. Tomorrow starts the first full week of teaching. I can't even call it a 'real week' yet, as I still am starting off with doing my first day stuff to the classes I haven't seen yet. But when I do finally get to the end of this week, it will actually be a small accomplishment, and I will almost be able to say that I'm back in the groove.
In other news, uploaded some recent travel vids to youtube - first new ones in a while, so check them out here: Now, 'recent' in my eyes is less than a year old...this is from Spring Break last year - still, pretty good. I am now almost ready to tackle the big travel trio from summer 2010 - Hilton Head, Pittsburgh, and Michigan. Stay tuned.
A lot of colleagues start their teaching year this week. Good luck everyone.
Stay tuned for news from Faith's first days of first grade!

Matt

Not bad so far

2010-08-21T07:32:00.004-04:00

2 days in and nothing disastrous to report. It appears that the next big thing is Kindergarteners who can't stop telling me things. Ugh. Seriously, parents, make sure at SOME point your kid learns how to STOP talking before they get to the schools. Favor to me. Thanks.

The family is passing around a stomach bug right now, but I'm happy that we made it for quite a long time without major sicknesses.

It's time for the heat to stop. Fall, please come soon!

Matt

First Day Prayer

2010-08-19T06:19:00.002-04:00

I thought about this last night and decided I should really post this. I go through some version of this every year.

God, thank you for the summer.

Thank you for putting me in a position to be able to spend so much time with all my family. Thank you for giving us the freedom to travel and experience new places, sights, and people. Thank you for all the memories which will continue to bind us together throughout our lives. Thank you for blessing me with a family in the first place - a family that is full of issues, weirdness, and struggle, but also full of love. Help me to continue to be the best father and husband I can be, and help me now to also return to being the best teacher, co-worker, and employee I can be. Thank you for giving me a job to go back to, and for making it a job that I truly enjoy. Help me compartmentalize my responsibilities so that one does not affect the other. Be with me and my family as we transition to a different way of living, but help us learn to enjoy and love the new realities as much as the old. Allow us to look forward to the next 'escape' without ignoring the small beauties and magic all around us every day. Let the wonder and joy of the day-to-day carry us through to the next big event.

Thank you God for the summer, and thank you for the upcoming Fall.

MS

Official Farewell to Summer

2010-08-18T20:01:00.004-04:00

Summer is now done for me. It was a good one. Work begins anew. New challenges. That's the way I like to think of it - something potentially bad that I can turn into something good. Challenges.

The next couple of weeks are the worst of the year - not because of the actual job - this first couple of days is actually pretty easy for me. But just readjusting to the life of work. Once I'm there and work feels 'normal' again, then I will be ready to enjoy the normality of it all. But until then, into the unsettled transition.

With added routine often comes added blog posts - easier to get on here and talk about stuff when I have a regular time to do it. Keep checking in. And hopefully you can start to see some more recent videos appearing on the youtube page soon.

Love life, even the parts you may not like so much.

MS

And so it goes

2010-08-16T09:08:00.002-04:00

Last day off for me today. Two days of inservice and then the kids roll in. My head has starting running a lot faster lately...but that's really more out of habit than anything else.

Faith is going off to 1st grade soon - mixed feelings about that. This is the beginning of school really becoming a bigger influence on her than we are - it's been said that you need to teach your kids what you can by the time they're six, because then they belong to everybody. So we hope we have done well to get her to this point. At the same time, we can start to see in her that she's ready to get more than she can get just here. And I'm eager to see her become a fuller person.

Also hoping the twins can blossom going to preschool soon. I'm not too worried about that, I think it will be GREAT for them. And I am really hopeful that Mari will develop some good confidence in her 'school' abilities and break through into real reading soon with daily practice in preschool. I think she'll be so much happier once she makes that leap.

Basically, all is well, time is marching on, and life is still very much fun. Here's to life!

MS

Summer winding down

2010-08-09T11:59:00.002-04:00

This is my last week of freedom before it's back to the grind. My yearly trend towards less and less stress to start the school year is continuing. This is starting to seem easier and easier. Hooray! Once or twice through my opening-day routine in my mind and I feel ready to go. Good for me and for my family.

I will of course miss all the free family time, but I am eager to get 'used to it' again. And this year should also be less stressful because we know what to expect now from Steph's job. (I know, I know, I am tempting fate with all this optimism...) AND, the twins are really becoming much less high-maintenance....or at least a less physically demanding form of high-maintenance, which is also a good thing.

In addition, I am ready for fall. This string of 90 degree plus days with unbearable humidity MUST end. We feel trapped in the house and can't wait to get out.

It has been a good summer. Lots of medium-to-small scale travel. Plans in the works for 2011 and 2012. Hopes for trips beyond that. And, at least I feel like we've had some good home time as well. This past week just chilling at home has been really really nice. It has certainly made my thinking of transitioning back to work much more smooth.

Robby has developed an amazing interest in and knowledge of, his ABCs. Hannah too, but not nearly as obsessively as Robby. Robby has also gotten a lot mellower - he had a really bad run of 2-ism for a while there. Still has his moments, but seems to be able to step off the crazy train a lot sooner now. Mari is starting to put letters together and actually read simple words. We're trying to practice every day, and she does get frustrated, but we're being patient and trying to set her up for success. She thinks that all kids can read as well as Faith (who's reading at a 4th grade level) and so when she compares herself to Faith she thinks she's no good. Poor Took. Faith, meanwhile, has shown a big interest in learning about the states over the summer, and has in the last few months become a pretty good Mario Kart player. We're proud of her for both, for different reasons.

Anyway, all is well in the family. Finances are still ridiculously tight, but we're getting ridiculously good at managing them. Steph hasn't had a paycheck since May, but we've planned ahead and had the money put away. I am proud of us for managing things so well.

Anyway, time for lunch, gotta go.

MS

FINALLY, back home.

2010-07-25T20:58:00.002-04:00

So so good to be back at last.

My workshop was positively amazing - one of the best education-related experiences of my life. Certainly the most unique, and quite possibly the oddest as well - but eye-opening and wonderful. I have a lot of work to do to implement some of these things into my own teaching, but I am looking forward to the challenge of doing so.

While I was away, I managed to get significantly more caught up on the backlog of family videos I needed to process. I can truly say that I am now less than a year behind. Actually getting completely up-to-date is unlikely, but I can live with the current lag.

So, just enough time to bask in the last days of summer before I go melt in my sauna of a classroom. I plan to make the most of it. Enjoy yourself everyone!

God bless,

MS

Greetings from Macedonia, Ohio

2010-07-21T22:21:00.001-04:00

Huh?

How'd that happen?

Okay, let's backtrack a bit.

Last post of any value was from like day 2 of vacation, right? Ugh. Over a week without posting. Not a good job on my part. All seems like ages ago. So let's see if we can recap.

Frankenmuth was great. Lovely little town, lots of neat shops and great food. Bronner's. Well, what can you even say about that? World's largest Christmas store, size of one and a half football fields...sounds like a nightmare of American excess and tack, right? Well, for all that, it's actually pretty tastefully done. Certainly kitsch, but...enjoyable in something quite a bit better than the typical highway accident/bad MTV guilty pleasure kind of way. Pleasantly surprised.

Trip to Mackinaw was not fun - Robby decided to get a 2-hour fever. Yup. Sunken eyes, howling screams, really hot...so bad that we asked at the office while checking in about the urgent care facilities in town...and then he was fine and was great the rest of the trip. No idea what was up with that.

So. Mackinaw Mill Creek Campground. An oddity to be sure. The place was HUGE, like 600 some sites. And sprawling. Took about 5 minutes to drive out of the place every morning. And bizarrely laid out. Long story short - because dad needs 50-amp hookups, their motorhome was located probably a quarter-mile or so from the trailer. So that complicated things quite a bit. Trying to get anywhere with my family and my dad's obsessive need to have a PLAN (love you dad, but it is an obsession) was certainly compounded by having to figure out who should drop who off and keep the car overnight. Messy. And the internet was HIGHLY unreliable. Which is largely what led to the absence of posts.

But we adjusted.

Mackinaw however, saw lots of highs and lows in family drama. The girls, bless their hearts, had some absolutely outrageously bad behavior. Robby also hit some new lows in 2-ism. We apologize to the citizens of Mackinac Island for the shrill screams of "MAMA" which resounded for a solid half-hour until Robby collapsed, facing the wrong way, exhausted in his stroller. I believe his screams could be heard across the straits to the U.P. Again, sorry everyone.

And I would be remiss and irresponsible if I didn't admit that the stress of all that got to me and made me act like a 2 year old at times too. But for all the stress and mess, we still managed some really good times there.

The return to the picnic spot at Whitefish Bay was nice, although quite different...and the prelude at Tahquamenon Falls was an unexpectedly big hit as well. Ate some great whitefish, ate some pasties (look it up if you don't know), found a great thing at a kitchen store called "Toad Sweat" - which is a brand of dessert hotsauce - absolutely KILLER on ice cream. Swam (or waded I guess) in Lake Huron, had some lovely campfires, and generally had a crazy, not at all relaxing, but ultimately fun, time. Continuing to lay the foundation for future trips to one day be less hectic and more spontaneous.

So, now the reason I'm in Macedonia, OH. Near the end of the week in Mackinaw, in one of the rare bouts of functional internet connection, I got a rather disturbing email, saying that the summer workshop I needed to take for my license renewal had been cancelled.

Panic time.

But the prof leading the class basically helped me work out arrangements to take the class in Cleveland instead (at very short notice for both of us) and the only option was for me to come home Monday, and turn around and drive to Cleveland the next afternoon.

So here I am.

For what it's worth, this is a great workshop I'm taking and I'm learning a ton which I hope I can integrate into my teaching soon soon soon. But it's intensive, 8-5 for 4 days. This is going to wear me out.

But, it's now quarter to 11 in a strange and not entirely nice hotel room, so I need to pack it in - another full day tomorrow.

Sorry again about being out of touch. Thanks for stopping by.

MS

Apologies and long stories...

2010-07-19T20:21:00.003-04:00

...are forthcoming. We are back. Everything is fine. I am leaving tomorrow by myself for Cleveland for 5 days. I will explain later. Vacation was great - internet was not. Glad to be home, sad to be leaving again so soon. Again, long story, I'll explain later.

Matt

Revisionist History

2010-07-09T09:25:00.003-04:00

The nice thing about having such elaborate videos serving as the family memory storehouse is that you have the power to change the past. Therefore...

Yesterday is stricken from the record.

It was a rough day. We were tired, the kids were tired, no one was behaving, there were lots of problems. There will be no video or stills from the fiasco.

There was one bright spot. And that was the lovely and wonderful meal we had at Zehnder's. What a great place, we were so excited to come back, and it was even better than we remembered from 2006. Any time you're in this part of the world, you owe it to yourself to come and have a meal here. If you can do the family-style chicken dinner, go for it. Now, it aint cheap, but the good news is this - you probably won't have to eat breakfast or lunch the next day. Seriously. No joke.

So, today we will try again to have a good day. So far the kids are behaving, and we have no real plans other than to let the kids do some of the activities here at the campground (they're having a candy themed weekend so should be lots of fun).

Hopefully some good pics later. Thanks for stopping by!

Matt

Night before

2010-07-07T21:13:00.003-04:00

Funny to think back a year ago - this was the night we had one of our nicest late-night cookout dinners - Buffalo Chili in the Badlands. Such wonderful memories. Hopefully we're about to make some more.

Tomorrow off to Frankenmuth and Mackinaw City for a week and a half. Quite a modest trip by Specter standards but fun nonetheless. I again am reminded of a previous trip - in 2006 we went to Mackinaw, back in our freewheeling days of discretionary income. We had a great time and while we knew we wanted to come back, we never thought it would be with 2-year old twins in tow.

I can remember that on that trip, while we were walking back from viewing Tahquamenon Falls, we passed a family going the other way...not sure how many kids, but at least four, all probably 8 and older, up to mid-to-older teens. They were impossibly happy and pleasant, the Stepford Family if you will - no trace of teen angst or annoyance, no sibling rivalry deteced...and we only saw them for a few seconds...but it seemed genuine.

I often think about that family and make them a goal for our own. How are we matching up? Well, we ain't from Pleasantville. Seriously. We got issues. But then again, we're Specters. We're not going to making any magazine covers for anything. But, in our own way, I'm pleased with how we're doing. Our kids can go 12 boring hours without watching movies in the car. Faith gets excited about finding license plates. They've been to more National Parks than I was at before I was 30, and...even the twins in their own way, are becoming good traveling Specters. Tonight when it was time for bed, they both resisted as they sometimes do...but then I told them we had a trip tomorrow, and they both stopped short...you could see them thinking about it...and then they happily went to bed, with Hannah saying "Go on trip, go on trip."

So I think...we're doing okay.

Stuff is all ready to be loaded in the trailer tomorrow morning - not a crazy early start, but hopefully on the road by 8. Check in in the coming days for updates from the road. Admittedly we have one minor problem...I can't find Rumplestiltskin anywhere - this is actually a cause for concern.

Matt

Catching up

2010-07-05T21:40:00.004-04:00

Things continued to be busy in Pittsburgh. On Friday, we swam again in the morning, drove around the city a bit, and then had lunch at Primanti Bros, another culinary landmark, and definitely the top of my 'to do' list food-wise on this trip.

Some pics:

Had a little time in the afternoon to take the Duquesne Incline...

...and then headed over to PNC Park for a Pirates Game. The girls, it must be said, were unimpressed. But well-behaved.

Drove back into town on Saturday and have been attempting to take it easy before the big trip to Michigan on Thursday.

Say some prayers for my mom - she is (we think) in transit from Kenya as we speak, and will arrive tomorrow night around 7:30 local time. She has then less than 48 hours to get herself back together before launching into a trip with us. She insisted that the quick turnaround was okay but we know it's going to be tough for her.

So, expect not much the next day or so and then check in for news from the road.

God bless,
Matt

Pittsburgh Day 2 - Part 2

2010-07-01T16:52:00.005-04:00

After the Dirty O, on to the Pittsburgh Children's Museum. Again, I find myself discouraged and frustrated by the lack of execution displayed by our own Children's Museum back in Cincinnati. Just so many more "wow, that's cool" type things going on here and so many more "never seen that before" activities...just very impressed. Some pics and maybe some videos again:

The girls got to make paper - cool!

The Limb-Bender

Mari LOVED this PVC-pipe area - you can see how involved she got.

Isn't it nice that they give them those raincoats? They got drenched anyway.

Pittsburgh Day 2

2010-07-01T16:10:00.008-04:00

Had a relaxed morning swimming at the hotel pool, then got lunch at the Dirty O, another nostalgic locale for my dad. A few pics:

For those who don't understand how this place works - this is a SMALL order of fries. No joke.

Mari is happy.

Dad and my meal:

Dad is happy too.

We did, however, finish off the fries.

And maybe a video from the O here: (hope this works).......

More in a moment...

Summer trip number 2

2010-06-30T22:17:00.004-04:00

Greetings from Pittsburgh!

Steph is back home with the twins, I am here in Pittsburgh with Faith, Mari, and my dad. Long story, this was the best way to do things. We all miss each other but are also enjoying the reduction in workload.

So, today, another early rise, on the road by 6:10 - so that we could make it for a full day at Kennywood Park. For those who don't know, Kennywood is Pittsburgh's amusement park. Now, I've sort of fallen in love with the charm and friendliness found at some of the smaller-scale amusement parks we've found throughout the country. Centerville on Toronto Island, Lake Winnepesaukah in Chattanooga, Wonderland in Amarillo, our own Coney Island in Cincinnati...which by the way, is way way underperforming its potential. But I can talk about that another day. My point is this - Kennywood is really too big to be considered one of those 'smaller' amusmement parks...but it FEELS like one. And it's just really an amazing place. Coaster afficianadoes know all about Kennywood's unique coasters that nearly all 1) use the natural mountainside setting for dramatic and hidden drops (often right out of the station), and 2) do not place the biggest hill first... But what amazes me about this place is the number of historic and 'last left of its kind' rides which are housed here. The Kangaroo, the Turtles, the Auto Race, all are accompanied by historical notes explaning the significance of the rides. This is a cool place. And the kids' area has more stuff dedicated to the smallest riders than King's Island, and in a much more compact setting. We all had a great time. And when the video comes out (in 2012 at the current rate of progress) a big thank you will go to Uncle Barry for doing so much videography. Nice to have an expert assistant.

Now. Point needs to be made about something here. Explanation given. This is Rumpelstiltskin:

He came from a McDonald's happy meal and has become a bit of a cult figure in our household. He joined us on our trip to Hilton Head and is with us now in Pittsburgh. Sort of decided that he would become our own "roaming gnome" and we'd snap photos of him wherever we went. So. Here he is at Kennywood, and then at Mineo's, my dad's childhood pizza haunt:

Oh, and a couple pics of the girls too. Most of what we got today was video, but there are a few good pics:

Back Home

2010-06-27T22:04:00.002-04:00

Sorry everyone that the updates ceased so quickly - internet became frustratingly unreliable. Tried several times to do some things, finally just gave up.

We're back home now...return trip was no fairy tale. Stops for puke and whatnot. Over 12 hours in transit when all said and done. Tomorrow will be rough for everyone, patience and behavior-wise. We're ready.

Was a wonderful wonderful trip. I used to get sad like I was leaving a friend when I left here, but this year it felt very much 'easy come easy go'. Not sure why. Probably partially the fact that a beach vacation with our family is actually a LOT of work and not all that relaxing. Fun, to be sure, but not like the golden days of lying by the pool using the music on my headphones to time when to flip over so as not to burn. Partially the fact that there are two more trips this summer still to go - one little one and one longer one. Partially the fact that summer is still very much ahead of us. Lots of reasons.

I think that I personally really turned a corner as far as the work involved. I used to be really really annoyed by all the lotioning, changing, dressing and undressing, and this year I barely noticed it. We've finally found our beach groove with 4 kids. And hopefully...even easier next year.

A good time really was had by all. I'm tired now from a long drive - I will try to post some GREAT pics and a video clip or two tomorrow. Thanks all for checking in - enjoy the summer!

Matt

Beach Update

2010-06-23T07:45:00.003-04:00

Another good day yesterday!

Took the kids down to the beach in the morning - Robby was having a tough time, he might be getting sick again. Had no patience for anything. But...with the wind and the waves even his screaming gets drowned out about 20 feet away so we didn't mind. Robby and Hannah definitely like playing in the sand more than being in the ocean. That's good because it lets us split up...and even leave them alone for a moment or two if necessary. They're so good. The first thing I do is dig a big hole and that's where they sit and are happy to sit for hours on end. Meanwhile, Faith is completely trustworthy to go sit out in the shallower water and chill. Mari just keeps moving back and forth and that's good for her.

At one point yesterday I even was able to comfortably watch all 4 kids while Steph went to go do another activity at the pool. No problem.

Now, at the pool is another story. Robby and Hannah are comPLETEly unpredictable. One day they're both happy, the next day they're both freaked out - and it can change randomly at any moment. They need constant attention and we don't always have the help available because the girle aren't completely independent in the pool either. So we don't go unless everyone's there.

All that said it's still being a good time. I've gotten to the point where I hardly notice the mess of work necessary to get them out the door. You just do it.

In other news, Steph and I DID get our hoped-for anniversary dinner last night, just like last year, at Charlie's Etoile Verte. I can't tell you how good this meal was. Literally, the second-best meal of my life. It has moved ahead of my meal at Emeril's in Orlando. It was religious. Now, part of this might be that we've been trying so hard to cut costs at home that we've been eating what the kids eat half the time...but no, the food was that good too.

For our appetizer we had a 'salad' of avocado, lump crab, tomatoes and remoulade sauce. Oh, the flavor explosion! The first bite I tasted as far down my body as my shoulder blades. Steph said she felt it in her knees. I can still taste it. For an entree, I had blackened Mahi and Steph had wild sockeye salmon with basil pesto. I am telling you, every bite I took, it spread a warm happy feeling in my mouth and then I could feel it travel down to my soul and spread throughout the universe. Every bite was a prayer. The fish was a gift from God. Every bite, I would swallow...and wait...and then sigh a contented sigh as peace flooded through all. It was amazing. And then, if the fish brought peace, the strawberry cobbler brought joy. I took one bite and literally dropped my fork. Strawberries don't taste like this unless they've been touched by the hand of God. I mean, layer upon layer of flavor unfolding in your mouth like a taste kaleidoscope...all in a microsecond.

If you're ever here on Hilton Head, and you have a lot of money to throw around, make a reservation at Charlie's Etoile Verte.

I had planned to bring the camera and take pics from Charlie's but forgot. Sorry. Just have to use your imagination.

Anyway, gotta go. Keep checking in - more pics will be taken today.

Matt

Day 1 at the Beach

2010-06-21T22:11:00.002-04:00

Good day today!

Hannah and Robby are very happy to play in the sand. Robby is still kind of difficult at the pool - randomly gets freaked out and then suddenly he's fine. Anyway, Faith and Mari had a good day too and we spent a LOT of time outside today. No complaints. Not much else to say, either. Just enjoying the time we have. Some pics:

Hannah and Mari plotting trouble:

Robby and Hannah (and if you look close, you can see Faith and Mari...and a wave hitting Steph in the background)

Surf's up...sort of:

There aren't enough pics of Steph on this blog:

We actually saw a lot of sealife today, which is unusual:

a quick clip - Cincy to HHI

2010-06-20T21:25:00.002-04:00

This is a short clip of Hannah when we went through a tunnel in North Carolina:

PICS - Cincy to HHI

2010-06-20T21:01:00.003-04:00

A few pics from the day - main post below.

Mari getting ready for our picnic:

Faith hanging out:

Hannah getting ready to slide:

Robby being grumpy:

Waiting for the other boot to fall...

2010-06-20T20:52:00.001-04:00

Okay, that was freaky.

We spent all day yesterday getting ready for our insanely early departure. I got up at 3am, already with a headache from lack of sleep. At 4am we woke the kids up, piled them into the car, and took off, armed and ready for a 12-hour journey.

This is called tempting fate. The potential disasters were beyond our ability to count.

Are you ready for this?

Everything went remarkably well.

Now. No one went back to sleep like we had hoped. Hannah and Robby were kind of difficult and whiny. But that was it.

We managed to drive straight to the I-75 Tennessee welcome center where we stopped for an in-car breakfast - pancakes and waffles we had nuked and toasted up before we left home. No incidents. We then managed to drive past Knoxville, stopped for gas, still no incidents. Drove to Flectcher Community Park in Fletcher, NC, which I had scouted out for a good place to stop for a picnic and a chance to let the kids run around. Turned out to be a very nice park. Nice playground equipment - fairly new, pretty clean, mulch and not dirt. Kids had a good time. AND, for as long as we were there, the sun stayed behind the clouds and we had a good breeze. Park had a nice covered picnic pavilion and the kids ate their meal happily. Spent over an hour there. And then, managed to make the entire rest of the journey, about 4 and a half hours, without a stop.

And are you ready for this? The whole trip, without using the in-car DVD player AT ALL. Not a single movie. Nothing. The whole time just music and self-entertainment.

YES! WE ROCK!

But things don't go that well without a corresponding disaster lurking around the corner. Stay tuned. The s**t is going to hit the fan for sure.

We'll post some pics here ASAP - check back often.

Matt

VBS

2010-06-18T22:38:00.002-04:00

VBS is done. The last hurdle between us and the beach is past.

Excepting of course the insane day of packing tomorrow. Especially since the seat belt in the middle row of the Chevy somehow got wrapped around the recline handle and is completely jammed and stuck. If the dealer can't fix it, that annoying little problem is going to really mess up our travel plans. Ugh.

Back to VBS. Last year the president of Augsburg Fortress left a comment on the blog after some random comments I made about the quality of the VBS songs. In case she stops by again, here is my opinion on the Baobab Blast:

Thanks for the guitar-friendly keys. That helped a lot - and I really got better and better at my B-minor this year. The only issue then became that a few of the songs were written a little low for the voice ranges of kids. But mostly, not bad at all. Overall, there were not as many duds as I thought there were last year. That said, none of the songs really jumped out at me as WOW! Very much straight down the middle. I would say this: The theme song last year was quite complicated in spots - and that's okay - we have a whole week to learn it - it's GOOD to have that song be a little bit more involved and require some more work. At first I was annoyed by how difficult "Discovery Canyon" was to put together, but it was worth the work. This year's theme song was, on the other extreme, too easy. We had it learned the first day and had nowhere to go with it. Make the big theme song the toughest, most musical thing. I heard from somewhere that a lot of other people were whining that the music wasn't authentic African. Whatever. I like the effort to provide a mix of styles. Keep up the good work, Augsburg Fortress. Not bad at all.

Anyway, back to our lives. Tomorrow is the insane day of packing for a week at the beach with 4 kids 6 and under. The real insanity starts Sunday at...around 3am when we all get up to pull an all-day drive to HHI. No hotel this year, no stops inbetween. A straight shot all the way down there. Hopefully they sleep the first couple hours, then breakfast in the car. Gonna stop at a random park in Fletcher, NC for an extended picnic lunch, hope it's not raining and not ungodly hot, let the kids run around, then finish the deal. God help us we must be out of our MINDS!

Check back Monday morning to hear how the adventure went. After that, check back for beach pics!

Hope everyone's summer is going well. God bless!

Matt

10 Years

2010-06-16T20:51:00.003-04:00

It is June 16th. 10 years ago tonight, I sat playing poker with a bunch of my buddies enjoying my last night as a single person. Tomorrow is Steph and my 10th anniversary. A lot has happened in that time. A lot a lot.

I like to joke that no one reads this thing, so I'll just talk to Steph here.

Hon, it's been quite an adventure so far. It's been in some ways exactly what we signed up for. It's been in some ways completely unexpected. And it's been in all ways all I could have hoped for.

Even though I call you "Mommy" now more than anything else, you are still the person I married, and I still think of you as the one true love of my life. The four small people who run around at our feet on a daily basis may be interrupting our attempts to realize that, but it's still there.

I am proud of us. A lot of couples have come and gone in the last 10 years, but we're still going strong, and couldn't possibly think of any other way to live. We may drive each other crazy sometimes but at the end of the day, there's love. And that love that we share is the starting point and the ending point and the journey in between. Everything else is...nothing.

We're living with the mistakes we've made when we were young and stupid. They've made our new reality. But even though it creates stress and forces us to let some things go - I like our new economic life - it's honest. It's real. It's ours. And the sacrifices we've made to get to this point make our life richer, not poorer. Thank you for walking that road with me - even if our anniversary dinner is likely to be cooked in the microwave.

Neither of us are the same person we were 10 years ago. But the people we are today are made up of the same 'stuff' as that starry-eyed young couple who pledged their life and love to one another back in 2000. Time has changed us, but the thing that makes us special is still within us - and THAT is what we agreed to all that time ago.

I love you. I love that our life is insane. I love that we have no money. I love that our life is so unglamorous. Do I take you for granted sometimes? Sure. The way I take air, or water, or the second finger on my right hand, or anything else for granted. You're so much a part of me it's easy for me to forget you're there. And I am sorry for that. I pledge now to do a better job in the next 10 years of realizing that you're there. I pledge to continue loving you as much as I do now, and finding new ways to make that love grow and grow and grow. I pledge to continue being honest even when being honest really sucks for both of us. I pledge to finish my sentences quicker. I pledge to admit sooner when I'm upset about something and to admit a LOT sooner when I'm wrong and acting like a dumb teenager.

I could go on all night, but that's not what Matt in 2010 does. Matt in 2010 has to go do the laundry and some dishes. And some romantics out there might scoff at that, but we both know that sometimes the sweetest love letter is a small gesture. So I need to go do some laundry.

I love you - Thanks for sticking it out with me. Here's to a LOT more years.

Matt

More pics - From Mari's Camera

2010-06-08T14:04:00.002-04:00

Here are some pics from Mari's camera. She likes to get silly with it, but when she tries, she can take really good pics.

More pics - From Faith's Camera

2010-06-08T13:58:00.004-04:00

Faith and Mari both have little digital cameras that they are getting pretty good at. It's always interesting to see things through the kids' eyes. Here are some pics that Faith took during the weekend:

Crossing the bridge into Indiana

Here we are!

Not too crowded at the RV park...

Kinda artsy.

Thirsty Hannah.

More pics

2010-06-08T13:51:00.002-04:00

Pics

2010-06-08T13:22:00.004-04:00

Discussing the finer points of smores.

Smores for all

Dinner time!

Good thing we brought that wagon...

Hannah and Robby looking a little distrustful.

Indiana Weekend

2010-06-08T13:03:00.003-04:00

Just had a great weekend trip in the trailer.

We had planned a while back to go out last weekend to celebrate the beginning of summer, and as the time rolled around we also decided to send out an invite to anyone who wanted to come join us for as long as they could stand. At first, the response was slow but with a little prodding we managed to get several different people to join us at various times through the weekend. And we are pleased to say, no major disasters and everyone seemed to really have a good time - here's hoping for more such events in the future!

We arrived late Friday morning at Follow the River. This was our second trip here - and we are loving it more and more. It's just the right distance for a weekend away from home, it's an easy drive towing the trailer, it's big and open...which isn't always what you want, but it was perfect for us this time around. We know which spaces are nice and wide and shaded, so we requested one of our favorites. It was not at all busy there, but not deserted either.

After hooking up and eating lunch, I took the big girls to Coyote Creek Farm to buy some buffalo meat - the buffalo weren't out so we didn't get to see any, but we loaded up on future meals. It's a beautiful drive, but still only about 10 minutes from the RV park. A great discovery from last time.

Our first guests arrived late Friday afternoon - we had a great time hanging out, letting the kids play at the great playground (another plus for this RV park, by the way), eating fajitas, and then making smores by the campfire. We hope that they had as good a time as we did, and that they will join us again.

Saturday morning we took it easy, made a quick convenience store run for some odds and ends, walked around the park, and waited for our second guests. They arrived before lunch, we had a standard picnic lunch of sandwiches and whatnot, then the big girls and our friends got to go swimming in the pool - again, score one for Follow the River - great clean pool...which is not always the case at RV parks. Our guests stayed for a long long time and we all had a great time - thanks for coming guys!

Lastly, P & G came out for the evening - I made chili and we rode bikes around the park, around the great little hike/bike path, had another fire and more smores...had cake to celebrate P's birthday - just a great time.

We love taking the trailer out - we love RVing. Whenever you go out in that thing, it's a multitude of disasters waiting to happen...so when things come off well, you appreciate it that much more. And we hope we've laid the groundwork for a lot of good future trips and future visits from friends and family. I'll try to upload some pics here soon.

Hilton Head is less than 2 weeks away!

Matt

Summer Spiraling Towards Us

2010-05-28T11:56:00.003-04:00

Here I sit, it's the last day for students. In about 4 hours I can walk away from this place - well, I have to come back on Tuesday for a workday. But another school year has come and gone.

I have to say, it's been one of my best. I've really grown a lot as a teacher this year and am actually looking forward to continuing to improve next year. Hopefully next year someone will notice...

At any rate.

Summer is right there waiting for us. Can't wait. Stay tuned to see our continuing family adventures:

* How often will we use our Coney passes this summer? I might start a contest to guess.

* Will the family survive a 4am departure and nonstop 12-hour drive from Cincinnati to Hilton Head? And how much sand will Robby eat while we're there?

* Will Faith and Mari like Primanti Brothers?

* Can the lovely Lake Superior Picnic of 2006 be recreated?

* Will I finally run out of good music for the family videos?

See you all in summer. Love life!

MS

Just FYI, the youtube channel has been reorganized, making the playlists more easy to find. Enjoy the movies when you get a chance.

A good season

2010-05-23T13:37:00.002-04:00

Two weeks with no illnesses.

Summer is all but here. Things are looking good. Steph is done with her first year at her new job, and she really enjoyed it a lot. I have a week left, Faith has a week and a half left, Mari has a couple days left. Then the season of travel will begin again. For those wondering, this summer will contain no epic road trips as in 03, 07, or 09. But several little trips will help us enjoy the freedom of being teachers.

We're taking trailer out for a weekend jaunt to southern Indiana in a couple weeks. Just to get it out and celebrate the coming of summer. Then our week at Hilton Head in late June. Soon after that dad and I will be taking the big girls to Pittsburgh for a few days. And then the big trip this summer will be up to Mackinaw for a week and a half. Nothing exotic, but after last summer, it will do us good to not be schlepping across the country again. Next epic road trip looks to be in place for 2012.

Looking forward to more time to post. Don't forget to check out the videos:

Matt

Here Goes Nothing

2010-05-13T20:53:00.003-04:00

Okay, the big news (that's really not all that big, to tell you the truth) is that the family videos are once again finding a home on youtube and in larger numbers than ever before. One and all are invited to check out the growing library of trip videos dating back to the original epic 2003 Road Trip.

All the fun can be found at:

www.youtube.com/user/specfam

Some disclaimers/notes/advice:

Because of the somewhat chaotic upload process, the main page is a bit haphazard. If you're looking for something specific chronologically, I suggest you click on "Playlists" and then choose a year. The playlists are very well organized. For example - Cliff and Gina - want to see our picnic from 4th of July last year? Click on "Playlists" then "2009" and scroll down to "2009 Road Trip - Day 2 - Playground, Picnic, Fireworks" and there you have it!

You will find that some of the videos are muted. I am painstakingly taking care of these – if one is muted that you particularly wanted to see (and hear), please let me know and I will make fixing that one a priority.

If your connection is good, the quality of these vids is such that you ought to be able to watch them full-screen. I encourage you to do so.

Some people have experienced 'jumpy', video from the specfam page. If this happens, try this: Once the video is playing, right-click on it, and then choose "Watch on YouTube". You might have to allow popups. This seems to work better for some.

Remember that these movies are primarily created for our own family to remember special moments. Many of them also have a certain amount of interest and appeal to the average Joe who wants to see what we’ve done. But I will be the first to tell you that there are some videos which taken out of context may be hideously boring to the average viewer…or at best just really confusing. There’s no way to know before you watch. So if you’re picking one at random and it doesn’t do much for you, I encourage you to try some more before you write the whole thing off. And of course, if there’s something you want the backstory on, please feel free to ask me for details. There’s usually a good story behind each bizarre thing I’ve done.

Lastly, please let me know what you think – these things are a passion for me, and very few people have had the chance to see them. Being able to share them with friends is why I’m going to all this trouble. I don’t ask many people to sit through the whole thing in one sitting – but this way you can check it all out a bit at a time, at your convenience. So leave a comment, email me, whatever. Let me know you stopped by. It will mean a lot.

Again, thanks for your time – and enjoy!

Matt

A Milestone

2010-05-07T20:40:00.002-04:00

We have had our Pontiac Vibe for almost 7 years now. It has guided us through many an adventure, both in travel and in life. Before dad's big RV, before our travel trailer, before even our minivan, we had the Vibe.

Without a doubt its greatest moments were enjoyed carrying Steph and I, before kids, on the 2003 Road Trip, the one that started them all. It took us 7,501 miles from Cincinnati to Seattle and down the west coast, bringing us back safe and sound with a tire blowout in 105 degree Kansas heat on the way back being the only mishap.

This car has been through it all with us. Ironically, this car outlasted its own maker. Pontiac is no more. But our Vibe, at least for the moment, lives on.

Today, on the way home from work, just before the intersection of OH-32 and Glen Este-Withamsville Rd, our Vibe's odometer turned over and crossed the 100,000 mile mark. I beamed with pride and nearly had to pull over for the tears that welled up in my eyes. So many memories. So much time. So many trips, so many miles. So much has changed.

Thanks for the memories and the miles, you old grey beast. And...here's hoping you can last to give us a few more.

Matt

April Begone

2010-05-02T21:52:00.002-04:00

May provides hope. We might get through this yet. Feeling better than I've felt in a long while. A little weight lifted. We're getting there.

Can't keep the house clean, but hey.

Matt

The Sickness

2010-04-28T21:08:00.002-04:00

We just can't seem to lick things around here. More strep. My first sinus infection. It's time to quarantine the whole house.

Anyway, all of life is getting shook up by these little illnesses. We soldier on. Big things are still afoot - I'm still a little spooked that I'm going to jinx things, but pretty soon I'll just point everyone in the right direction regardless.

Later,
Matt

Big things are afoot...

2010-04-15T21:41:00.002-04:00

...not really big things, but some big things in the online Specter Family Universe. It is a slow process however, so be patient.

No, I'm not starting to use facebook.

But, in the meantime, you can view all the 'real' photos (not taken on a kiddie camera) from our Tennessee trip on our travelpod page.

There are the skeletons of other entries there too but I haven't had time to flesh them out. This is a temporary solution - but all I know is, it took me about the same amount of time and effort to upload all those pics as it normally does to upload about 5 to this site.

Forgive the fact that I never really weeded out the silly photos - there are some really goofy and bad ones, but wade through and you'll find some good ones too.

In the meantime, hang tight - big things are afoot. Stay tuned.

Might as well do it now

2010-04-07T21:15:00.001-04:00

I have decided that as much as I love blogger, it is a very inconvenient way to share photos. I am exploring other options.

So sorry

2010-04-07T20:53:00.002-04:00

I know there are a handful of people who really do follow this thing but sometimes I just can't keep up. I'm trying, really.

After the last post, the last couple of days of the trip were much improved. Hannah was still a bit of a handful but things did get better.

After we got back we had a decent couple of days hanging out at the house, and then Faith came down with another case of what sounded like croup. Well, she started having trouble breathing, so Easter evening we took her to the ER just to make sure nothing extra was wrong. The tech at our local hospital read the x-rays and found something he was worried about - and sent Faith straight over to Children's Hospital where we spent most of the night, before finding out the xrays were normal and it was just croup as we expected. Made for a fun day of work on Monday too.

Everyone is fine now.

I will try my darndest to post pictures soon from the trip, including a few really good ones that the kids took with their camera.

Matt

A trip to forget?

2010-03-29T20:16:00.002-04:00

Okay, so.

Hannah has an ear infection and possibly a sinus infection. Mom has a stomach/flu bug. The bakery up the street is literally closed the whole time we're here. You can't buy tequila without a trip to Gatlinburg which is messing with my chicken marinade recipe. Today was cold and rainy. All in all, this has the makings of a major disaster. We've been here for 2 whole days and basically have done nothing but sit in the trailer, drive to meals (which in all fairness have been amazing) and drive to get groceries or take Hannah to the medical clinic. Mom doesn't look to be getting any better.

Maintaining a positive attitude out of sheer stubbornness. Still nice to be with the family...even if the big girls are whining, Hannah is screaming, and Bud has turned into a little devil. Still better than the last couple weeks at home.

Keep us in your prayers.

Matt

Greetings from Tennessee

2010-03-27T21:42:00.002-04:00

We are at "Up the Creek RV Park" outside of Pigeon Forge. Very nice. Small, secluded, much more 'natural' than a lot of the RV parks in this area. A good find.

We are all very tired, but wanted to post a couple of pics from the day. More in the next few days. We'll be down here till Wednesday or Thursday.

Matt

The Ringer

2010-03-25T05:37:00.003-04:00

Almost there.

But the fates are giving us all we can handle.

I just got done with the worst case of strep I think I may have ever had. Kept me out of 2 of the 3 musical performances I practiced for. Forced Steph to take over the family for a few days.

But that's okay, because now she's had the flu for a couple days, and I'm running things. Trouble is we're also in the middle of trying to get ready for this trip.

I'm in constant motion here, going from one activity to the next. A lot to do. We all just hope Steph gets better soon.

You know it's bad when I actually need my alarm. Gotta go.

Matt

8 days to go...

2010-03-17T08:05:00.001-04:00

8 days of work that is before spring break and an escape to the Smokies.

We're making it. In the midst of all the craziness, I am continuing to find the desire (or perhaps stubbornness) to get up around 5 every morning and work out. Steph is also doing the best job she's done in a long time in terms of doing treadmill work. I'm proud of her. We both are feeling good.

This is musical week here at Batavia - so I'm in the pit for long rehearsals. Actually it's turning out to be not as bad as we thought - we couldn't arrange babysitting on Tuesday so I had to come home right away which made things a lot easier. If not for that, I literally would have put the twins down for bed on Sunday and not seen them until at least Thursday. That would have been tough. The show is going great - good job directors and students.

In some ways, next week is shaping up to be one of those real drags. All the craziness and busyness culminates this week, and then it's just one more week of work before break...and those weeks can be the toughest sometimes...mentally, anyway.

I do still feel like I have barely seen Steph for a few weeks. Hopefully we can get more time in soon.

Later, all.
Matt

March - an update

2010-03-08T20:20:00.002-05:00

Well, we're off to the races. Things are hectic so far but we're in the midst of it so it's all about maintaining the momentum now. Reservations have been made for a spring break rv/trailer trip down to the Smokies, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, there's another longer tunnel after that light, but that's how life is. Have to find the right balance of thinking ahead and working on the moment. We're trying.

All in all, we're managing pretty well. Next week is the real trial by fire - I'll be spending most of my week playing in the pit for the musical. Again, not how I had imagined my birthday week, but I'm a team player and the team needs a trumpet player. So be it.

Kids are okay - rotating through dramas and trying to focus on the positives. Got a lot I could say, but I really ought to be getting to sleep now. Keep the positive thoughts coming.

Matt

March - a lament

2010-03-01T12:07:00.001-05:00

March, oh March, you may be the death of us...

Okay, so here is a typical week for us right now.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, Steph is tutoring. It's nice that she's earning some extra cash, but it's tough that she's gone that time. We made the choice together and we're hanging in there - it was a bit of a lucky break to land an easy job that pays so well.

The girls take what we call 'gym' class - an active class at dad's fitness club where they can work on basic gymnastics and basic sports skills - the guy who runs the class is wonderful and amazing and it's good for the girls to be getting SOME experience in that kind of thing so that they're not living in dread of real gym class in school. All the kids also are in Kindermusik.

I am playing in 3 groups right now - our church brass quintet which meets on Thursday nights, a Renaissance Brass group which has ad-hoc rehearsals and then performs at whatever church will have us throughout the city, and the Brass Fellowship, a brass choir which meets alternate Sunday nights.

So, let's look at Monday for example. (And it should be noted that I am simply giving a narrative from my point of view - Steph's schedule is in many ways CRAZIER than mine even though she works fewer hours.) I will get home around 4:15 or so. Usually at that point I have to frantically bustle around the kitchen trying to find something to make that SOME of our kids will eat. But we're lucky that tonight is gym class. So instead, Steph will take the girls to the gym class while I hang out with the twins - but at some point I will need to attempt to put dinner together while the twins are walking around the upstairs getting into trouble of various kinds. Try to make dinner ready for 6:30 or so when the girls and Steph get back, so Steph can inhale some food before running out the door to tutor. Then, by the time dinner is over, it's time to hang out for a little while, put the twins down, put the girls down (because they're exhausted by then) and get stuff ready for tomorrow before Steph comes home. At this point, we are both already exhausted. It's only Monday.

Tomorrow is Tuesday. Almost the same except no gym class and Steph's tutoring is earlier. So I will get home around 4:15, and then scramble to cook up dinner, so that again, Steph can cram food into her mouth before running out the door to tutor. The good news is that usually Steph is home then in time to help with bed time. But this week, Steph is adding a Spanish class for adults at our church. So she won't be back for bedtimes. No big deal - bed time is actually not that hard any more. But again, by the time she gets back, I'm drained and exhausted.

Wednesday is exactly the same as Tuesday. Only no Spanish class at church, so she could come home, but she's meeting her friend for coffee after tutoring.

Thursday starts the same. Only this time it's Faith stuffing her face so we can get her to the children's choir at church. Then Steph (or me) will bring her home and someone will go right back to the lenten prayer service at church, and then I have quintet rehearsal at 8:30.

Friday - amazingly no one has anything. Of course, by this time we are both too tired to do much with our time together and everyone is usually pretty grumpy.

Saturday morning the twins have Kindermusik. Then we have a birthday party, and then I have a pit read-through at the HS, because I wasn't involved in enough so I need to play in the pit orchestra for the musical - which will keep me pretty much away from home the entire week of my birthday, but that's another story.

Sunday night I have brass rehearsal again.

Ready for another week?

A couple of disclaimers after my vent:

1) I know a lot of people have it worse. We're grateful for what we have and even though it's insane at times, we chose it and don't regret it.

2) Neither of us harbors any ill will towards the other for the things we are involved in. I am not bitter at Steph for her extra activities and she's not angry at me for mine - we discuss things together and make decisions as a group - we're open and honest with each other so no resentment there.

3) We are always very aware of not overscheduling our kids - Faith seems like she's in a lot, and she is, but so far she seems to be handling it pretty well. It's always a tough choice and we sometimes have kept her out of things because we thought it was overkill.

But still, this is going to be a tough month. Keep us in your prayers.

Matt

Verbal explosion

2010-02-22T15:35:00.001-05:00

Buddy may be okay after all.

We were pretty worried about his vocal development. As of a couple weeks ago he still had very few words. His receptive language is great, but he wouldn't say much. But it seems like in the last couple of weeks, he's really blossomed. Now he's still not all that easy to understand on a lot of words, and it definitely seems to be an effort to form some words, but he's improved a lot.

It's tough for us to know, because both Faith and Mari were so abnormally advanced verbally at their age, AND twins are prone to verbal development delays as well. So all that added up (plus the fact that Hannah can spout off a veritable Gettysburg Address in her own babbling 'Hannish') had started us worrying. But I feel a lot better about it now, and I think that Bud seems happier too.

In other news...

We're into the grind at school - no more off days till spring break, and then no more off days through the end of the year. Right now it's nice, we've had too many snow days so a little routine actually feels good at this point. Check back with me in a few weeks and we'll see how I feel.

Steph is making a renewed commitment to consistently working out on the treadmill. Any of you who talk to her may feel free to give her extra encouragement and support. I am toying with the idea of training to run a 5k. I'm certainly not ready yet, but if the weather gets warmer and I can start running outside, I'm pretty sure that I could do it...Right now I can consistently 'jog' for a full half-hour each morning which gives me just over 2 miles on the treadmill. I am able to go longer than that but am limited on time. I know that treadmill running is not the same as outdoor running so I'm working to increase that a little each day, and then start ramping up the incline as well. Hopefully by Spring Break I will be close to 3 miles at about 2% incline...and then I can start running outside. Scary to think about. Anyway, I'm not worried about speed right now. One thing at a time. Anyone with running experience who'd like to comment or advise, your input is welcome.

That's all for now - maybe post some snow pics soon.

Matt

Dance Party and Staycation

2010-02-14T09:42:00.005-05:00

Two things. First - a selection of video from a few days ago - it's a long one - but watch it all to get the full effect. The degeneration and weirdness in the family is nearly disturbing...

(Had some problems with the video - hoping to edit and repost soon - sorry!)

Secondly, Steph and I have been having a wonderful staycation. The twins are with my parents. The big girls are rotating through Steph's family. And what are we doing with all this free time? We are so adults now. Check out what we've been doing:

Friday I was off, so I rode into work with Steph for the morning. After her work, we were up in West Chester so we went to IKEA to get our second DVD tower. Wandered around a little bit looking at couches.

Then we got lunch at Pappadeaux - oh so good. Love the crawfish etouffee...and oh that dirty rice...

Then up to Jungle Jim's to get a bunch of ingredients for our homemade Indian Feast. Wandered around up there too looking for cool stuff.

Then went to Macy's to get me some clothes that fit. I can now officially fit comfortably in 38s and SOME Large size shirts.

Came home and hung out. Started making our paneer. Didn't end up needing to eat dinner at all - watched Olympic opening ceremonies.

Saturday, got up and went to Gravy for breakfast.

On the way home, stopped at Kohl's and Kroger for a few extra things we needed.

Got home, and started frying things. We fried our paneer - went well. We attempted to fry our Indian Frybread from this summer - didn't work so well. Ended up with gooey doughballs. But really, how bad can fried bread be? Cooked up some meat samosa filling. DeLISH!!! Finally, Steph made a stellar chocolate dessert.

I worked out then did some prep work in the kitchen. Steph came up and we started reorganizing the kitchen - long overdue.

Then the cooking began for real. We fried the samosas. We made saag panner and chicken makhani. We threw in some jasmine rice. And the result:

Now, I know what you're thinking - all this food for 2 people? Well, yeah. We froze some, we will eat some more today. Deal with it. It's our staycation.

Man, this was good stuff. The saag wasn't QUITE right...a little too bitter, that one will need work...and too spicy for saag. The makhani was outstanding - honestly better than at our local place. The samosas tasted like the real thing, except for the wonton wrappers. Anyone know where to get premade samosa wrappers? Just fabulous. Steph's dessert was great as well.

Finished organizing the kitchen (including me bringing 7 huge bins of stuff up from the garage) and by that time it was time for bed.

Today, we are making bananas foster for BREAKFAST - how cool is that? I have a concert this afternoon, and we're going to the Green Plantain for dinner. What a way to spend a weekend.

This was originally supposed to be a weekend at Paw Paw's Landing down in Central Kentucky - our traditional winter getaway. Financially it just wasn't feasible this time around. Then we found a pretty inexpensive place in Gatlinburg...but then we realized that we really couldn't afford that either. So we decided to just stay home. And it's been wonderful. We've had every bit as good a time here as we would have out and about...but for a fraction of the cost. Hooray for home!

Matt

Hello from the kids!

2010-02-09T20:59:00.003-05:00

Haven't posted in a while - finally got the video camera out again. Everyone still fits in this chair.