At least for ME, is the last week. The beginning of work is looming there on the horizon. I've sat down and done all the planning I can reasonably do. And now my mind fluctuates between thinking that I should be doing more work to prepare, and thinking that I should be enjoying my last days of freedom more. This sort of LIMBO is worse for me than the first morning - at least then I can use a defiant confidence to turn my anxiousness towards positive action - the unknown becomes real and I can face it head-on. But now, if I get myself worked up, I have nowhere to send that energy.
What usually ends up happening is that I end up rehearsing my first lessons over and over again because I manage to convince myself that I'm not as prepared as I think I am.
Of course anyone who doesn't know any better thinks that it sounds like I dread going back, and that's not it. I do love my job, but as a good friend once said, "If it was fun every day, they wouldn't call it work." And for someone with a natural tendency to laziness like myself, just getting used to having a schedule again is a stressful event.
At the end of the day, I find solace and joy in several things. 1) I've spent enough summers searching for a job to know that I'd much rather be going back to work than not having work to go back to. 2) I'll never again have to face the fear and stress of the real, actual first day of the first year of teaching. This is NOTHING compared to that. 3) My job, once I get back into the flow of it, is really a lot of fun. I am going to make a concerted effort to focus on the good students, the fun ones, and not stress so much about the headache brigade this year.
That's all for now. More later as I think of it.
Achtung, Schattenjagers
4 months ago
