Full circle yet again

August 1998. I sat alone in a small lodge at Woodland Altars in Adams County, OH. Tomorrow I would start bandcamp at Peebles High School, my first teaching job ever.

It was dark, lonely, and I was scared to the point of depression. What had I gotten myself into? Could I do this? What on earth was I thinking?

I ended up staying at Peebles for 4 years. They were 4 good years for me. And I like to think that, although I was definitely not a great band director by most measures, I was a very good director for that school, for those kids, in that time and place. I did okay.

The next 2 years were a transition. One year awkwardly teaching at my former high school, in a bad situation. I fully admit that I was part of the bad situation, but...it was not a good year. The following year, spent completely out of the music and teaching business, working as the church office manager while preparing for the birth of our first child. A major depressive episode followed - a true existential crisis of faith which left me shaken and battered, but stronger once I pulled through it.

And then, finally, the relief once I had given up all hope - the back door into teaching with an offer once the school year had already begun.

October 31, 2004. Halloween night...two houses ago. A 6-month old Faith on our lap as we sat in our driveway handing out candy to neighborhood kids - some of whom I had maybe taught 2 years ago. The next day I would start teaching general music, something I had never thought I would do. Again - what on earth have I gotten myself into? Can I do this?

I stayed for 7 years. Would have stayed longer...but events pushed me out. Again, I would argue that, while not the best general music teacher out there, I was great for that time, that place, those kids. And while the departure was heartbreaking, and sadly bitter, looking back I can see that I am blessed to have been removed from that situation.

A summer of hope and possibility. The ultimate irony of being offered jobs but being unable to take them. The hope turning to a grim reality of looking for a job here in Cincinnati where the pickings are slim, and someone with 12 years and a Master's is probably too expensive for anyone.

Somewhere in all that mess, one lonely interview among dozens. No response, lost in the shuffle, forgotten. One lonely interview actually leads to an offer I can take. Not enough money, not enough time...but still...it's enough. It's a job doing what I love. There are kids at the school who need a music teacher, and a principal who believes in what I can bring to that school. For now at least, our paths cross.

A new chapter begins.

It promises to be an interesting chapter for me. New characters, new locations, hopefully some new friends. A lot of unknowns. Will this be another 'transition' phase in my life? Will this be the final chapter in my teaching book...and if so, will it be one page or twenty?

I don't know.

But none of that matters right now. What matters is, tomorrow, for the first time in what seems like a lifetime...I am going to work. And it feels very good to say that.

Am I nervous? Heck yes. Am I scared? You betcha. Are there things about this position that I perhaps may be in over my head about? Oh baby, yes.

But...been there, done that. I always have come through.

Tonight I leave you with an excerpt from The Refreshments' "I Don't Wanna Know".

Wish me luck tomorrow. Here we go again.

__________________

"We've been saying we're gonna go somewhere
For a long long time
Nothing ever happens
Why's it never happen

Yeah we've been prayin' we're gonna get somewhere
For a long long time
But it never happens
Why's it never happen

I wonder where I'll be in a year
Probably be sittin' right here
But if you know the answer
Don't tell me anyone
I don't wanna know

Cause I don't wanna know"