Breathing is good

Hey all. Been absent for a while. Nothing in particular, just really busy with a lot of little things.

It is now November. It is almost time for Thanksgiving, a holiday which has always been perhaps my favorite. It's a good vibe. And being thankful is something I try to keep foremost in my mind. Admittedly, it's been tough this past few months, but I do still thank God regularly for the blessings I have been given. My children are challenging at times but I wouldn't trade them for anyone else's or anything else in the world. They're mine and I'm keeping them. My financial life is...complicated at best. But first of all, I also know a lot of people are even worse off than us...and secondly, who gives a damn? I am not my finances. My career is frozen, and it still remains to be seen if I can push the pause button to restart it or if the disc has been scratched beyond all use...but as I wait it out, I am having the unique opportunity to spend more time with the kids.

I think less and less about what happened, and spend more time thinking about the future. As a very good friend recently quipped, "I know that when God closes one doorway, he opens another...but man, these hallways are a bitch." Yes, I am tired of stasis, limbo, the hallway, the waiting room...whatever you want to call it. But I am learning to disconnect from the expectations and the useless obsessing and just float free...and that is, in the long run, making me a better person.

I once again can count on my fingers those people in the world I would consider my true friends, but I consider myself rich to have those few. They are one of a kind and if there were more like them, the world wouldn't be in such bad shape.

And speaking of the world, or at least, our part of it. I once again have had to ration my own news consumption, because everything I see leaves me feeling depressed, enraged, or both. I weep for our broken country, and can no longer find it in myself to hope that somehow, a new way of thinking can sweep the old system away. No, this ship will go down with both sides shouting blame at the other, while the materials and tools needed to fix the leak lie unused between them. And both will feel justified in doing so.

I mean seriously...these people on both sides are so rooted in their own way of thinking that when they die and God tries to explain the truth to them, I really don't think they'll even be able to stop defending themselves then. I really think they'll lobby the Almighty and deny any possible compromise in their view to the point where they'll choose not to enter paradise because they think that God Himself is wrong.

Anyway, enough of that. Suffice it to say I have to distance myself from it all to stay sane. In some ways, I hope that I do end up getting a job way out in the middle of nowhere...so that if and when it all collapses, I won't notice it as much.

But, day by day, I just go about trying to keep my own house in order. Some days are good days. Some, not so much. But I'm still living. I'm still fighting. Even if there aren't many people around to notice any more.

Thanksgiving. Yes. I am still alive. I still believe. I still have had a miraculous life already. I still love. I still laugh. Thanks indeed. Everything else...is nothing.