OMEA part 2 - addendum

Went back and re-read what I wrote this morning - didn't like it, wasn't firm enough.

Let's do it this way:

I make no apologies for who I am or how my life has turned out. I am a work in progress but I am confident and firm in the direction of that progress. My life is filled with "there but for the grace of God go I" moments when I realize how close I've been to walking a road that I would NOT be proud of. It is for that reason that I pray to God every day and THANK Him for all I've been given, and ask for a continued strength to make the right choices and do the hard and slow work of self-improvement. I ask God to help me find and use the wisdom, strength and sense of rightness in MYSELF. I make the most of my life and am constantly in awe of the wonder around me, even in things that seem mundane at first glance.

I have come a long way. I have a long way to go. Here's to the journey.

Matt

OMEA part 2

I should also mention the awkwardness when bumping into the few people I DO know.

Some people seem not sure what to say to me - I guess from the standards of my profession I haven't achieved much. I'm not winning awards and I'm not in a 'destination' position...I guess people think I've washed up.

Oh well.

I decided a long time ago that the 'glory train' that so many of my colleagues are on isn't for me. I like my job, but at this point in my career, I am highly mediocre at it. I am slowly but steadily improving myself. I put a lot more energy into my family and my home life than I do into work. Which certainly is not to say that I don't care about my job. But I leave it at work.

I certainly am not saying that I am a stellar father either. I am messing up right and left and doing things that I regret almost daily. But I also don't think that's abnormal either. I will leave it at this: I may be making tons of mistakes, but I have no doubt that all my kids know how much I love them.

I'm rambling a bit here, but it's 6:30 Monday morning - organized thought hasn't come to visit me yet this morning.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's a fine line I'm walking now. I am, as I said, slowly improving myself as a teacher. My own history coming into my current position is a complicated one which, when boiled down, amounts to "I really have no idea how to do this the right way". By the end of my career, I think I'll be doing a pretty good job at this. I am grateful that the administration at my school is willing to be patient with my learning process...and confident enough in my current performance to allow it to grow slowly.

I am (perhaps naively) thinking that my energy demand at home will, in a number of years, decrease to the point of me being able to devote more of myself to my teaching work. For right now, it's baby steps.

But anyone out there who happens to meet me and wonder at what I've become...don't tiptoe around me. I've got no shame about my situation, my life, my job, or anything. I am blessed to have all I have and would not trade it for anyone else's life, job, family, reality, whatever. This is me, and I chose it...and it's the truest representation of myself I could possibly give...and I'm enjoying the ride immensely.

Thanks all for continuing to check in.

Matt