News from the front

Hey all,

A couple people have harassed me to update things so here goes.

We are not moving. Not any time soon anyway. The position I was interviewing for did not work out - complicated situation. But the process of thinking that was it...really thinking that this was the one, accepting it and being ready for the seismic changes...and then losing it......well, that process has brought about its own seismic change around here. And it's a good one.

I have again called off the national job search. And this time for good. Well, for quite a while anyway. You can never predict the future, and in a few years time things may change in a different way. But we are in Cincinnati for the long-term at this point.

And this time, it's a choice. It's not about being held back or not having the freedom to move. It's about realizing that the needs of my family come first, and right now my family needs to be here. And that is okay, I not only accept it but I embrace it with open arms. I embrace that at this point in my life, this town is home. And while this city is never going to be a place that I feel completely at home, it is truly the only home that the rest of the family has ever known. And home means a lot - right now it means more than anything.

And I have not looked back, nor have I looked at the nationwide job posting sites since the last option fell through. Which tells me I feel secure about it and know that I did the right thing. And having let go of that constant looking elsewhere, I can feel myself returning more to the family and being more available for the kids and Steph. The part of me that was out haunting possible futures has come home to make a future in the same place as the present. And it feels good. It feels good to see the kids out playing in the front yard with neighborhood kids, on a street we feel safe letting them play on. It feels good cleaning up the house, but not with an eye on selling it. And it feels good working my part time jobs with the knowledge that they are no longer 'one and done' in my mind.

Part of this acceptance comes from a long day of number crunching, projecting growth in my jobs, and an additional round of budget trimming. And the result of that process was the realization that we can continue to live - frugally, mind you - on what we're doing now, for at least two years and probably more. We won't be exactly setting up a long-term safety net, but then again, nothing we could be doing now would provide us that either. We're in survival mode to an extent, coupled with my own knowledge that there's no point in survival if there's no joy in the moment. So I'm not ready to sell out my career yet...again, I'm not sure that anything else I could enter into would do any better than what we have now. But, there has been a turning point, in that I am ready and willing to look to the future and see a time when we can no longer make the current situation work, the education world has continued to deteriorate, and it's time to move on. And sad as that is, I am able to look that reality in the face and accept it for the first time. I hope to stay in the business...and things can change in a heartbeat, but if my future lies elsewhere, so be it.

But that's a ways off. I'm still here now and ready to pour my energy and effort into the small jobs I have now, and the new ones I will be adding next year. This summer I will be sweating and toiling in an ancient un-air-conditioned warehouse to help put more money away, and I will relish every minute of it.

The truly sad news is that dad has decided that it didn't make financial sense to keep holding on to the motorhome with no major trip on the horizon. We understand his reasoning and support his decision. The trailer continues in the family, and we have high but quiet hopes that there will be another trip in the future - can't say when, but we're not giving up on the open road any time soon. As a result, we will also be taking over the Suburban so mom can downsize her vehicle. Which means the Vibe which has served our family for almost 9 years and 115,000 miles is being traded in. We will miss it dearly - it took us so many places so many times. It has always been a great car and will go down as the icon of the original 2003 trip. I know it would have lasted us quite a while longer - but life goes on. Farewell, old grey lady. Give another family a few more good years.

So, that's all for now. A lot of disappointment but I feel the most stable and 'here' that I have felt for over a year.

Stick around for more adventures.

Matt