Parenting DOES Suck that Much

Parenting can be tough.

Robby and Hannah have been struggling a lot this year at preschool.  And Steph and I know it's totally our fault.  I take a lot of the blame upon myself.  When life got turned upside-down 19 months ago I became a computer recluse, out of necessity.  In my mind, I had to spend every waking hour on the internet searching for jobs, applying for jobs, figuring out the finances, salvaging our future.  And to an extent, that was true.  But as is often the case in these situations, doing so led me into some bad bad habits.  I got used to letting the kids entertain themselves while I did "important" stuff.  And they got used to only getting attention when someone started screaming so loud that I couldn't concentrate on my work any more.  Basically I became a Steve Reich parent, which is to say, minimal (music geek joke).

And now we're seeing the result of that with the twins unable to cope and emotionally immature.  Hannah is totally unpredictable in her moods and her reactions.  Robby has a temper unlike any of our other three.  And they're both stubborn enough to give me a run for my money at times.  

We've been trying to get back on track, but for a while we thought that "clamping down" would work, and in our defense, it worked with the first two kids.  But these two are different, not just in experience, but in their nature.  They don't respond the same way Faith and Mari did, and so we're having to learn to parent all over again.  We're in a system now of organized rewards and positive reinforcement, which is a great change from the typical "loss of privileges" program we were using before.

Is it working?  Maybe.  Hard to tell.  Hard for me as a parent to be patient.  But our house feels better lately, as I've been making a concerted effort to be more understanding and less vocal.  

Part of my problem has always been that as a kid I was able to get away with stuff.  I was sneaky and sly and always sort of amazed how gullible some grownups could be.  And so I think I project that onto my own kids, always assuming they're up to something.  And maybe sometimes they are, but I'm becoming aware that I'm overdoing it and accusing them of having motives that just aren't there.  

I guess I'm terrified of my kids pulling one over on me, and so I go out of my way to imagine every possible trick they're up to.  I need to get over it and realize that they WILL get away with stuff, and they WILL do things without me knowing it, and probably already have.  And when they do, I'll be no better or worse than any other parent out there.