Friday morning - I'm up early as usual. It takes a lot of time these days for me to mentally prep myself for going in to work. It's really pretty hard to leave here every morning - I know how tough it is for Steph to get through a day, I know she's going stir-crazy, I know how hard it can be to care for the girls even for a couple hours before help shows up, I know it all and yet somehow I still have to just drive away to my job every morning. I feel like I'm doing a decent job of staying focused once I get to work, but getting started is becoming more and more difficult. And I also like to have things planned a week in advance anyway, but these days I just can't make myself think that far ahead, so I'm moving day to day. Which for me makes every morning a little like Monday morning.
And aside from that, I also think it's draining for the average person to spend an extended period of time in 'life-changing event mode'. I've thought for a long time that most people (self included) are not wired to be open and attuned to profound revelations or transcendent truth for our entire lives. It's a blessing most of us can only hope to experience a handful of times, and the euphoria that accompanies it isn't something we can maintain for long.
So here I am, totally preparing myself for this incredible event that is going to happen to us for the last time. I'm trying to be tuned in, I'm trying to be totally aware, so that I can take it in for what will be our final time down this road. And when the contractions started last Sunday night, we both really thought that this was it, and we were ready, we were in the right place. And now it's almost 2 weeks later and I'm desperately trying to keep myself open to the magic of it all, but the longer it goes on the harder it is to not fall back into the daily grind of work. I don't want to have this happen and have me not be able to be fully present. So the only way I can do it is to continue to think of work as the 'other' and my home life as my true reality. I said to someone the other day that right now, I feel more at home in the doctor's office and at the hospital than I do at work. So I guess I'm doing my best.
So, I continue. I find the best balance I can - being a professional and doing my best job at work, but still managing to keep my mind and soul prepared for the coming changes.
Enough blathering. Off to work I go.
Matt
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Hello coworkers
Nothing new at home, but today I went ahead and gave the blog address out at work, so people there could check in on things without me sending a bunch of unsolicited emails. Hey all yall. Post a comment, leave a note. Oh, and Mrs. K, I'll definitely come up with something for making the first row more visible. =)
Meanwhile, we've moved to the point now where whenever Steph calls me on my cellphone, the first thing she has to say is "Nothing's happening" so that I don't get my hopes up.
Gotta run, might post more later. Thanks for stopping in.
Matt
Meanwhile, we've moved to the point now where whenever Steph calls me on my cellphone, the first thing she has to say is "Nothing's happening" so that I don't get my hopes up.
Gotta run, might post more later. Thanks for stopping in.
Matt
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Bed"rest"
It's weird to think that the last time Matt posted before today, I wasn't even pregnant yet! Wow. Rollercoaster doesn't even begin to say what all has gone on since then! I'll give what I'd call the "Matt Version" (meaning: less is more):
End of Aug -- started school, got pregnant
Early Sept -- put our condo on the real estate market
Mid Sept -- found out we were expecting twins!
Immediately -- lowered the price on our condo
Early Jan -- found out we are expecting a girl and a boy
Always -- Steph's belly grows exponentially
Always -- we do what we can to help Steph's family get the "new" house ready
Late March -- we move in to the "new" house (Steph is 32 wks pregnant)
Thurs. April 10 -- Steph is admitted to hospital due to low amniotic fluid, sent home next day and is put on modified bedrest
Mon. April 14 -- Steph is admitted to hospital due to irregular, but strong contractions -- it is too early for the babies to be born at their most healthy, so Steph is sent home on a drug to keep the contractions away.
Now -- the contraction drug is finished and the babies are sitting tight for the time being
End of Aug -- started school, got pregnant
Early Sept -- put our condo on the real estate market
Mid Sept -- found out we were expecting twins!
Immediately -- lowered the price on our condo
Early Jan -- found out we are expecting a girl and a boy
Always -- Steph's belly grows exponentially
Always -- we do what we can to help Steph's family get the "new" house ready
Late March -- we move in to the "new" house (Steph is 32 wks pregnant)
Thurs. April 10 -- Steph is admitted to hospital due to low amniotic fluid, sent home next day and is put on modified bedrest
Mon. April 14 -- Steph is admitted to hospital due to irregular, but strong contractions -- it is too early for the babies to be born at their most healthy, so Steph is sent home on a drug to keep the contractions away.
Now -- the contraction drug is finished and the babies are sitting tight for the time being
Revamping the Blog
Well, this thing has sat idle for most of a year. It's time to put some new life into it...literally.
The twins are coming soon! And even though "Matt and Steph Plus Four" doesn't have any kind of a ring to it, we know there might be some people who might get a little perverse enjoyment out of seeing us stumble over ourselves while we frantically try to keep our heads above water raising two dramatic daughters as well as newborn twins. After all, no matter how bad that wreck on the highway, some people just can't look away.
So we'll be re-imagining this blog as a "Life with twins" look-in - and we'll try to update more than every 8 months now.
And when will this insanity begin? Well, no more than 2 weeks from now, but hopefully sooner. Check back for updates on that as well.
Of course, for a wonderful look back to a simpler time, feel free to dig back through the archive for the 2007 Road Trip posts. How easy things were back then...
More soon,
Matt
The twins are coming soon! And even though "Matt and Steph Plus Four" doesn't have any kind of a ring to it, we know there might be some people who might get a little perverse enjoyment out of seeing us stumble over ourselves while we frantically try to keep our heads above water raising two dramatic daughters as well as newborn twins. After all, no matter how bad that wreck on the highway, some people just can't look away.
So we'll be re-imagining this blog as a "Life with twins" look-in - and we'll try to update more than every 8 months now.
And when will this insanity begin? Well, no more than 2 weeks from now, but hopefully sooner. Check back for updates on that as well.
Of course, for a wonderful look back to a simpler time, feel free to dig back through the archive for the 2007 Road Trip posts. How easy things were back then...
More soon,
Matt
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The worst time of year for teachers...
At least for ME, is the last week. The beginning of work is looming there on the horizon. I've sat down and done all the planning I can reasonably do. And now my mind fluctuates between thinking that I should be doing more work to prepare, and thinking that I should be enjoying my last days of freedom more. This sort of LIMBO is worse for me than the first morning - at least then I can use a defiant confidence to turn my anxiousness towards positive action - the unknown becomes real and I can face it head-on. But now, if I get myself worked up, I have nowhere to send that energy.
What usually ends up happening is that I end up rehearsing my first lessons over and over again because I manage to convince myself that I'm not as prepared as I think I am.
Of course anyone who doesn't know any better thinks that it sounds like I dread going back, and that's not it. I do love my job, but as a good friend once said, "If it was fun every day, they wouldn't call it work." And for someone with a natural tendency to laziness like myself, just getting used to having a schedule again is a stressful event.
At the end of the day, I find solace and joy in several things. 1) I've spent enough summers searching for a job to know that I'd much rather be going back to work than not having work to go back to. 2) I'll never again have to face the fear and stress of the real, actual first day of the first year of teaching. This is NOTHING compared to that. 3) My job, once I get back into the flow of it, is really a lot of fun. I am going to make a concerted effort to focus on the good students, the fun ones, and not stress so much about the headache brigade this year.
That's all for now. More later as I think of it.
What usually ends up happening is that I end up rehearsing my first lessons over and over again because I manage to convince myself that I'm not as prepared as I think I am.
Of course anyone who doesn't know any better thinks that it sounds like I dread going back, and that's not it. I do love my job, but as a good friend once said, "If it was fun every day, they wouldn't call it work." And for someone with a natural tendency to laziness like myself, just getting used to having a schedule again is a stressful event.
At the end of the day, I find solace and joy in several things. 1) I've spent enough summers searching for a job to know that I'd much rather be going back to work than not having work to go back to. 2) I'll never again have to face the fear and stress of the real, actual first day of the first year of teaching. This is NOTHING compared to that. 3) My job, once I get back into the flow of it, is really a lot of fun. I am going to make a concerted effort to focus on the good students, the fun ones, and not stress so much about the headache brigade this year.
That's all for now. More later as I think of it.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Ceiling paint. Yippee.
There are some home improvement projects which give you absolutely ZERO satisfaction. One of them is a new roof. You can't enjoy it, you don't notice it, your house doesn't feel any better. Another is painting the golldurn ceiling. A lot of stinking work with no reward. I never looked up before, and why should I start now? Ugh.
On a lighter note, the premiere of the video went well with mom and dad. Glad they enjoyed it. I was very impressed that mom stayed awake for so long. The Durkee clan views it Saturday night, and after that, it pretty much goes in the reminiscence pile...not too many other friends are going to sit through 2 1/2 hours of odd music and bumpy panoramas. Sigh. Totally worth the work, though.
That's all for now.
Matt
On a lighter note, the premiere of the video went well with mom and dad. Glad they enjoyed it. I was very impressed that mom stayed awake for so long. The Durkee clan views it Saturday night, and after that, it pretty much goes in the reminiscence pile...not too many other friends are going to sit through 2 1/2 hours of odd music and bumpy panoramas. Sigh. Totally worth the work, though.
That's all for now.
Matt
Monday, July 30, 2007
"Crash Course in Life"
Hey all - I know I said that we'd still use this thing once the trip ended - sure hasn't worked out that way, but those of you who know, know.
Things are normalling out now for the most part. Going back to work is right around the corner - found out I have some additional duties which will either be a little challenging or a huge pain. Remains to be seen. But, I think I have reached the level of confidence (or hubris?) where work stuff doesn't send me into a panic. I've been teaching long enough that I feel like I can handle new challenges, and I've been alive long enough to not be afraid of my own mistakes. Obviously I'm grateful that my line of work allowed me to have the amazing trip that was described on this blog, so if they're gonna jerk me around a little, I'm not going to rattle my cage too much.
Truly glad to hear that my good friend Matt Saunders and his wife both found the jobs they wanted. Sad that the jobs they wanted were in the Oklahoma Panhandle, but hey, now we have another place to stay out west. Congrats, Matt - you deserve it more than anyone I know. And you too Becky, for being the rare person who can see Matt for the great human being he is. Good luck out there!
So, I slowly see that more and more of my college friends have packed up and headed west. Not that I had a ton of them to begin with, but...who thought that *I* would be the last one left in town, with no plans to leave for years and years? Funny how the guy with the most wanderlust has put down the firmest roots...and I've never regretted it.
Shessh, what am I even talking about any more? Well, the other big news in the family is that the trip video is finally done. Won't even begin to explain the nightmare of computer trouble that went into it. All that matters is, it's done. And it looks, and sounds, great. Very happy with the results, and as we start premeiering it to friends and family tonight, I hope everyone else enjoys it as well.
The soundtrack is of course...eclectic. From Richard Strauss to Explosions in the Sky and back to music from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (!!!) it covers a lot of territory.
Well, that's all for now. Hopefully we'll be back to posting our thoughts more often these days. To all you teachers, enjoy the twilight of summer, to those who work year-round, your time to taunt us is approaching fast.
Matt
Things are normalling out now for the most part. Going back to work is right around the corner - found out I have some additional duties which will either be a little challenging or a huge pain. Remains to be seen. But, I think I have reached the level of confidence (or hubris?) where work stuff doesn't send me into a panic. I've been teaching long enough that I feel like I can handle new challenges, and I've been alive long enough to not be afraid of my own mistakes. Obviously I'm grateful that my line of work allowed me to have the amazing trip that was described on this blog, so if they're gonna jerk me around a little, I'm not going to rattle my cage too much.
Truly glad to hear that my good friend Matt Saunders and his wife both found the jobs they wanted. Sad that the jobs they wanted were in the Oklahoma Panhandle, but hey, now we have another place to stay out west. Congrats, Matt - you deserve it more than anyone I know. And you too Becky, for being the rare person who can see Matt for the great human being he is. Good luck out there!
So, I slowly see that more and more of my college friends have packed up and headed west. Not that I had a ton of them to begin with, but...who thought that *I* would be the last one left in town, with no plans to leave for years and years? Funny how the guy with the most wanderlust has put down the firmest roots...and I've never regretted it.
Shessh, what am I even talking about any more? Well, the other big news in the family is that the trip video is finally done. Won't even begin to explain the nightmare of computer trouble that went into it. All that matters is, it's done. And it looks, and sounds, great. Very happy with the results, and as we start premeiering it to friends and family tonight, I hope everyone else enjoys it as well.
The soundtrack is of course...eclectic. From Richard Strauss to Explosions in the Sky and back to music from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (!!!) it covers a lot of territory.
Well, that's all for now. Hopefully we'll be back to posting our thoughts more often these days. To all you teachers, enjoy the twilight of summer, to those who work year-round, your time to taunt us is approaching fast.
Matt
Thursday, July 5, 2007
The Morning After...after
Feeling much more normalized now. Girls are happy to be home. No financial disasters while we were gone. Girls slept well in their old beds again. Mambo won't walk on one of his hind legs. Mom and dad will come home today, and we're making them dinner to welcome them home. It will be interesting to see how this has affected their decision on what to do with the RV.
Already got some work done on the DVD - did the opening titles, our part of the voyage home, and most of the closing photo montage - yes, I am modeling this DVD in many ways after the 2003 trip DVD - the opening especially is a bit of an homage to the original opening.
I guess most people reading this have no idea what I'm talking about. I will have to find some way to upload the video for people to see. Anyone reading who has suggestions for how and where to upload a home-made DVD easily for easy viewing, when the original source files are gone, please let me know.
Matt
Already got some work done on the DVD - did the opening titles, our part of the voyage home, and most of the closing photo montage - yes, I am modeling this DVD in many ways after the 2003 trip DVD - the opening especially is a bit of an homage to the original opening.
I guess most people reading this have no idea what I'm talking about. I will have to find some way to upload the video for people to see. Anyone reading who has suggestions for how and where to upload a home-made DVD easily for easy viewing, when the original source files are gone, please let me know.
Matt
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Home
Well, what a whirlwind. I don't know where to start.
On Monday when we got the word that it would be at least tomorrow and that financial issues were starting to rear their ugly head, we made a snap decision and literally went from vacation mode to frantic road trip home mode in a matter of minutes. As quietly as we could, while Mari slept, we started packing the minimum we would need to get us home and by 4pm we were pulling out of the parking lot. Very sad to leave mom and dad, but we knew we'd be together soon and that we'd had a wonderful time (and we'd gotten a bit sick of Amarillo), so we headed out with nothing but a road atlas and some diet coke.
We really just planned on driving until we couldn't drive any more or until the girls' screaming was intolerable. Well, the girls were fine. We drove till 11:30 and stopped in Joplin, MO at a strictly functional hotel, slept fitfully, and hit the road at 7 the next morning.
Finally, at a little after 7 local time, we got into Cincinnati, picked up the dogs, picked up dinner at Skyline and at long last, we were home.
So here we are. And the experience of being home after such a long trip is really freaking me out. It's weird. Weirder than coming home after the last big trip in 2003. Totally weird. Lots of reasons I think:
1) Seeing all the stuff in the house untouched since we left it nearly a month ago, is like coming back to a house after someone has died. Morbid, but true.
2) After being in such close quarters with mom and dad for so long, suddenly being without them is like being an incomplete person.
3) I don't have a trip to plan for, restaurants to suggest, activities and addresses to research.
4) I am dadgum tired.
And more, but I can't process it all now. Basically, glad to be home, but it feels very foreign right now. It'll take time. But what a trip. Now time to start putting the music together for the DVD, getting all the scenes selected...and getting back to real life.
Speaking of which...this blog was originally set up as a trip travelogue, but we will continue to use it as a regular blog - for thoughts about daily life and whatnot - so feel free to keep checking back in - and someday there'll be another trip to read about.
Thanks to everyone who helped make this possible, from Paula who watched the pups, to the friendly employee at the Motherhood Maternity store in Westgate Mall in Amarillo. Until the next trip - I say to all of you - get out and see the world - anything, ANYthing can be a destination. There's something to see and learn about in every town, around every corner. Don't be a travel snob. Enjoy the world. Love life. And one more time...
GOOD JOB, GOD!!!
On Monday when we got the word that it would be at least tomorrow and that financial issues were starting to rear their ugly head, we made a snap decision and literally went from vacation mode to frantic road trip home mode in a matter of minutes. As quietly as we could, while Mari slept, we started packing the minimum we would need to get us home and by 4pm we were pulling out of the parking lot. Very sad to leave mom and dad, but we knew we'd be together soon and that we'd had a wonderful time (and we'd gotten a bit sick of Amarillo), so we headed out with nothing but a road atlas and some diet coke.
We really just planned on driving until we couldn't drive any more or until the girls' screaming was intolerable. Well, the girls were fine. We drove till 11:30 and stopped in Joplin, MO at a strictly functional hotel, slept fitfully, and hit the road at 7 the next morning.
Finally, at a little after 7 local time, we got into Cincinnati, picked up the dogs, picked up dinner at Skyline and at long last, we were home.
So here we are. And the experience of being home after such a long trip is really freaking me out. It's weird. Weirder than coming home after the last big trip in 2003. Totally weird. Lots of reasons I think:
1) Seeing all the stuff in the house untouched since we left it nearly a month ago, is like coming back to a house after someone has died. Morbid, but true.
2) After being in such close quarters with mom and dad for so long, suddenly being without them is like being an incomplete person.
3) I don't have a trip to plan for, restaurants to suggest, activities and addresses to research.
4) I am dadgum tired.
And more, but I can't process it all now. Basically, glad to be home, but it feels very foreign right now. It'll take time. But what a trip. Now time to start putting the music together for the DVD, getting all the scenes selected...and getting back to real life.
Speaking of which...this blog was originally set up as a trip travelogue, but we will continue to use it as a regular blog - for thoughts about daily life and whatnot - so feel free to keep checking back in - and someday there'll be another trip to read about.
Thanks to everyone who helped make this possible, from Paula who watched the pups, to the friendly employee at the Motherhood Maternity store in Westgate Mall in Amarillo. Until the next trip - I say to all of you - get out and see the world - anything, ANYthing can be a destination. There's something to see and learn about in every town, around every corner. Don't be a travel snob. Enjoy the world. Love life. And one more time...
GOOD JOB, GOD!!!
Bob's Thoughts - Days ??
I haven't provided any updates for a while. The end of our trip has taken on a life of itself, so here is an update to cover the most recent activities.
The motorhome would not start after we stopped for lunch last Friday. I knew that the problem was not related to the batteries. It was like the starter had died - turn the key and nothing happened. We were 18 miles inside Texas, and AAA was able to tow us to an authorized repair facility in Amarillo.
The repair place (Top Gun) was able to determine that the problem was not with the starter. They could "hot wire" the starter and the engine jumped to life immediately. So, the problem had to be either in the ignition switch or the wiring. Both of these conditions were beyond the capabilities of Top Gun, so late in the day Saturday, we realized that we needed to look elsewhere.
I called the RV dealer in Amarillo that sells Winnebago products. He told me that they only do work on the components above the chassis, and recommended that we contact the Amarillo Truck Center.
The Amarillo Truck Center is about 10 miles from where we were, so Top Gun started the engine (hot wiring it), and Matt and I made the short drive. When we got to the truck center and explained the problem, they said that they can work on the problem, but that they are a Freightliner repair facility, and our motorhome is built on a Workhorse chassis. They work 24 x 7, and suggested that I contact them on Monday morning for a status.
So, the entire family had a very nice (but totally unplanned) weekend in Amarillo.
On Monday, I called the truck center and was told that they had determined that the problem was not the ignition switch. That meant that the problem was in the wiring or some element in the starter circuit. Since they are not a Workhorse repair facility, they needed to acquire the schematic in order to fix the problem.
At this point, we knew that we would not be heading east until at least Tuesday, so Matt and Steph decided to start back. This was the right thing for them to do for a number of reasons - but it was still hard to see them leave.
As of now (Tuesday morning), we still do not know when we will be able to leave. I am hoping that we can leave today, but matters are out of my hands. Karen and I have rented a car, have a decent hotel room and will make the best of it.
I will post updates as news becomes available.
The motorhome would not start after we stopped for lunch last Friday. I knew that the problem was not related to the batteries. It was like the starter had died - turn the key and nothing happened. We were 18 miles inside Texas, and AAA was able to tow us to an authorized repair facility in Amarillo.
The repair place (Top Gun) was able to determine that the problem was not with the starter. They could "hot wire" the starter and the engine jumped to life immediately. So, the problem had to be either in the ignition switch or the wiring. Both of these conditions were beyond the capabilities of Top Gun, so late in the day Saturday, we realized that we needed to look elsewhere.
I called the RV dealer in Amarillo that sells Winnebago products. He told me that they only do work on the components above the chassis, and recommended that we contact the Amarillo Truck Center.
The Amarillo Truck Center is about 10 miles from where we were, so Top Gun started the engine (hot wiring it), and Matt and I made the short drive. When we got to the truck center and explained the problem, they said that they can work on the problem, but that they are a Freightliner repair facility, and our motorhome is built on a Workhorse chassis. They work 24 x 7, and suggested that I contact them on Monday morning for a status.
So, the entire family had a very nice (but totally unplanned) weekend in Amarillo.
On Monday, I called the truck center and was told that they had determined that the problem was not the ignition switch. That meant that the problem was in the wiring or some element in the starter circuit. Since they are not a Workhorse repair facility, they needed to acquire the schematic in order to fix the problem.
At this point, we knew that we would not be heading east until at least Tuesday, so Matt and Steph decided to start back. This was the right thing for them to do for a number of reasons - but it was still hard to see them leave.
As of now (Tuesday morning), we still do not know when we will be able to leave. I am hoping that we can leave today, but matters are out of my hands. Karen and I have rented a car, have a decent hotel room and will make the best of it.
I will post updates as news becomes available.
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